Stirred up

Today, at D-school Randy and Callye Boyd came to speak to us. They are a very powerful couple who love the Lord and have a heart for His people. After hearing Callye speak today, I realized I want to be just like her.
She is a woman of God.
She loves the Lord.
She is strong.
She is powerful and walks in the authority Jesus gave her.
She loves well.
And people are drawn to Jesus because of the love she shows them.
She is confident in the promises God has told her.
She walks by faith.
She is humble.
She challenges her family.
She submits to her husband.
She is transparent.
She dies to herself daily and does the will of God.

Lord, teach me to be all these things in my own way. That these things wouldn't lead to comparison, but would challenge me to let you grow me. They would teach me to be transparent. Teach me to love well and uncondiotionally. Only you can transform me Jesus. I want to be more like you. Not my will, but yours be done.

Off-Season Workouts

So, I always was an athlete. I played everything there was to play. Did the hardest workouts of my life, and sometimes extra to get in shape for the specific sport I was in, especially if it was softball. There was an intensity in my workouts because of my passion to be excellent. I can remember staying after off-season workouts to run an extra two miles to be in shape for pitching. (Part of it was I was running away from reality because I didn't want to deal with the boyfriend I had at the time and him getting on to me for not coming to his house right after school. Running gave me an excuse to not talk to him.) But, also part of it was because I wanted to be in tip-top shape for when it was time for me to shine and for all the eyes to be on me as I pitched my heart out on the pitchers mound. I had a passion to be excellent at pitching. I had a passion to see batters swing at my curve ball, to hear the umpire shout "Strike Three! You're Out!!" and do the motion with his hands saying the batter was out. I had a passion to see the batter walk back to the dug out hanging there head down, and for everyone to be shouting for me and what I had just done. I had a passion for my name to be known all around our district for my junk pitches that kept batters on their toes. And I worked hard to be excellent. Many times I would fail or have an off day, but my passion to be excellent was still there. My conviction to be excellent was still there.

Right now, I feel like I am in the "off-season" in this season in my life. Not that I'm not pouring out into people or telling people about Jesus, but that I am in a break from school and the business that comes with taht. And I am in a season of preparation for the future season He is going to take me into. I am preparing for battle. I'm preparing for His glory to shine through me and the gifts He is giving me right now. I am studying hard, reading a lot, and diving deeper with the Lord and learning more about His heart for me and for His people. I have a passion for His name to be glorified in my life. I have a conviction for His name and glory to be spread all around the world like He has always planned. For people to see Him shine brightly in my life, instead of them seeing me. I have a passion for His glory to be spread among the earth and people to know Him and the life He has for them to grab a hold of. "Passion is not a feeling. It is a conviction. Even when we don't feel it we can worship Jesus and lift His name higher because we know He is worthy." (14:12). I have a passion for satan to flee from people's lives and chains to be broken because Jesus gave us all authority and all I have to do is say, "You're out of there!!!!" I have a passion for all peoples to hear the gospel so God can finally send satan back to the burning fire where he belongs. To see him walk with His head down back to his dug out, while the Lord stands on the pitchers mound shining with ALL of His glory! I have a passion for the Lord's name to be lifted high in every nation and for Him to draw nations to himself! (John 12:32) I want to work for the glory of the Lord with intensity and passion for His name to win hearts!

I have an everlasting conviction that Jesus is Lord and He is more than worthy of having control of my life. His name is more than worthy of being lifted high in my life, and being spread among the nations. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I am tired. Jesus will be lifted higher in my life because He is worthy.

I want to be in tip-top shape for future seasons the Lord has instore for me, and for the battles the Lord has equipped me and continues to equip me in I am facing today. I want the same intensity I had to workout so I could be excellent at pitching, to go deeper with the Lord. The intensity of going after His heart for His will to be done all over the earth.

Jesus, all for your glory I am yours. Not my will, but yours be done. Refine me, remake me, remove my selfishness from me, so that your glory will be known to those around me. And people will come to know you because your radiance shines through me. Not my will, but yours be done.

John 3:30

Father, drench me in Proverbs 31.

"I will no longer be weighted down by friends and family talks with the concern of my biological clock, because I serve the author of time...who is not subject to time, but I am subject to Him. He has the ability to stop, fast forward, or rewind time. If we could role play, you would be Abraham and I would be Sarah; or you would be Isaac and I would be Rebekah--a servan'ts answered prayer. I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, made up of your rib Adam. And once we meet, like electrons, I will be drawn to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom....We were all made in His image, but you have the ability to refect, project, and even detect the Son. If I were to explain what you were to look like, you'd have to be a star. A son of the Son. I would gain energy simply by the light that you shine on me. I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis....I will wait for you.

And I will know you, because when you speak...
I will be reminded of Solomon's wisdom.
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses.
Your faith will remind me of Abraham.
Your confidence in God's word will remind me of Daniel.
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul.
Your heart for God will remind me of David.
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah.
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph.
Your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples.
And your ability to love selflessly and uncondionally will remind me of Christ.

But I won't need to identify you by any special math piece, or any special marks; because His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will fine me where the boldness of Ester meets the warm closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary, which is ingulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah.

I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31.

Waiting for you."

These are not my words, but this aligns perfectly with my heart. I desire all these things. I desire these characteristics in a man, and I also desire to be anything like these noble women who love the Lord.

But more than anything, I desire to submit to the will of my Father. The author of the greatest love story of all time. I desire to trust Him completely, and wait on Him patiently. He is the only one who truly satisfies my every desire, and who continues to faithfully pursue every corner of my heart. I trust Him. I love Him. So even if He calls me to a life of singleness, I will be satisfied in His love. I will be giddy in His presence and tickled by His touch.

Whatever He may have instore for me, I trust His heart and plan for me.

I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31 not for the approval of man, but to bring joy to my Father.

(Here is the website for the poem. The whole thing is powerful. Her words are powerful and the way the Lord speaks through her is powerful.)
http://theresurgence.com/2011/04/06/a-poem-for-all-single-people-pass-it-on

I Will Wait...

Walking back from my exam I was just talking to the Lord and praising Him for giving me desires He is revealing to me more and more every day, but also surrendering them back to Him...because they're good, but my focus needs to be on the Lord, not on my feelings.

And I hear, "Wait".

Such a simple word, but yet sometimes so hard to do. Waiting can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. It is often the most beneficial, but definitely the hardest!

When I was walking to my car I just started praising the Lord in my own song--I don't know where it came from, but here it is....

I will wait on you Lord.
It's you that I want.
All my hope is in you,
I know my future is secure.
So I will wait.
And sing praises to you name.
I will wait.
And seek only your face.
I will wait.
Becaust I trust your plan for me.
You've written every detail, every person that I'll meet.
You see the final picture, each stroke makes it complete.
So, I will wait on you, and it's you Lord that I seeek.
You love me and have good things instore.
In this waiting time I will grow to love you more!
You are all I want.
You're all I seek.
Without you, I am incomplete.

<3

God, give me more patience as I wait for you. I trust you and your perfect plan for me.

I will wait upon you Lord....

Somalia

I guess about a month ago World Mandate came to Beltway and spoke and stirred us up for going and loving the world. When we were there they told us to ask the Lord to give us a country. I, with little faith in hearing anything, asked the Lord for a country. And He answered me. He gave me Somalia. I didn't even know there was a country named that! I thought I had made it up in my head. So, when we were walking out of the church I whipped out my iPhone and googled it. Somalia is in fact a country....

I've been praying about it and researching it ever since then off and on. I believe that the Lord is calling me there, but yesterday when I was researching He gave me a few things He wants me to do to prepare me before I go.

1. Learn Somali or Arabic.
2. Study Sunni Isalm.
3. Pay half my student loans off.
4. Learn to live simply.

These are things I believe the Lord specifically calling me to do before He sends me there. Somalia is an evil, dark, and dangerous country. I'm beginning that I can't just go....as much as I want to. There are some practical things the Lord wants me to learn and grow in before I go.

Do I believe the Lord is calling me to go there one day? Yes!
Do I believe Somalia will be my home one day? Yes!
Do I believe the Lord is growing me in things here before it's time for Him to send me? Yes!
Do I believe that day is right when I get out of college? No.

I know the Lord isn't done with me. There is still so many things He is going to teach me and things in my life where I still need to grow.

Something Lindsay said today confirmed my thinking that He wasn't calling me there right now, but in the future. She said, "99% of the time when the Lord gives us a word, it's for the future, eventhough we want it to be for right now."

So now, I will wait patiently upon the Lord and pray without ceasing for that countries hearts to be softened to the gospel; and for the Holy Spirit to fall on those people!

I also am praying the Lord will give me more of His heart for Muslims and more of an understanding of their religion and rituals.

Just more of His heart in general.

These precious babies need to know the love of the Lord!

Lord, mold me to what you want and send me out! I want to be the vessle of your love that loves these babies!!!!

Acts 2:42-47

Lately it's really hit me the importance of community. I mean, I've seen the importance for a while now, but now I just really get it. I understand the importance of have people to hang out with. I understand the importance of having people to help you work through all the junk in your life. And I understand the importance of experiencing the love of the Lord in people. That's what my community does for me. I get to experience the unconditional love of the Lord when I confide in them things from my past. They don't judge. They don't shake their finger in my face. They weep and cry with me and help me walk into freedom. I'm so thankful for their love and they way they let the Lord love through them. I now understand the importance of living life together, because you are who your friends are right??...Well my friends are ballers! They love Jesus and push me closer to Him! I'm so thankful for the community the Lord has put me in and that I can live life and see more of the kingdom through each of them. I'm thankful the Lord has placed them all in my life and I get to grow closer to Him when I grow closer to them!

Acts 2:42-47
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and have everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet togehter in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

When we live in community as the Lord has designed us to be, He increases the kingdom! He blesses our devotion and pouring out to His people.

He is good!

Even Now....

Last week I didn't feel the Lord at all....I couldn't feel His presence. I couldn't hear Him. I just felt alone....But I know I wasn't....I've kinda been feeling like that all day today....just kinda empty and alone.

But today, while sitting at my vanity getting ready to go to a going away dinner for my friend Raquel the song "Even Now" by United Pursuit Band came on and the words hit me right in the heart.....

Doesn’t always work like I planned it

I’ve seen a lot of good things
And a lot of things
Have been out of my hands
But even when I don’t understand it
We have all got choices to make
And this one is mine
Even now here’s my heart, God

Seems like all you do is so hidden
Sometimes I led to wonder
Are you working at all
But even in the darkness I’m listening
To your still small voice in the distance
I heed your call.
Even now here’s my heart, God I’m in Love Running out of reasons to doubt you
Can’t live another day here without you
Even now here’s my heart, God
I’m in Love Am
Your love is sweeter than honey
Your love is stronger than death
Your love lifts me of my burdens
And teaches me to dance

Even now, when I can't feel Him, I know He's working on incredible things in my life. Even now, when I feel empty, I know He's about to bless me abundantly. Even now, when I feel like I'm striving to show joy and let it pour out, He's about to cover me with blessings. Even now, when I feel like I have nothing left to give to people, He's about to give graciously through me....Even now, in the times I feel lonely but don't want to be around people, He's going to bless me with His presence, which is the fullness of joy!!!!
 
I trust Him. I trust the season He has put me in. I trust the things He's doing in my heart and the perseverance He's teaching me.....despite the circumstances I'm in, I trust Him and His heart for me!
 
I'm in love with the Lord, and I know He's in love with me. And when you're in love, you don't just "grow out of love". You persevere through sickness and health, through the times when you feel like you're on the top of the world, or in the middle of a bottom-less pit. You push through. And in the end, you grow more intimate than you could ever imagine.
 
That is my hope.
 
"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:15-16