Jesus, Lover of my Soul

Right now I am in a season of singleness, and have been for a while. The Lord is teaching me a lot. I'm learning that when you seek him with all your heart he will give you the desires of your heart. I'm learning that he is the only one who can take the loneliness away on Saturday nights when my roommates are all with their boyfriends. He's the only one who can make me beautiful when I feel undesirable or unworthy of love. Because he lives in my heart I am beautiful... Because he made me I am beautiful... He is the only one who can complete me. I could live my life striving to be in a relationship. In fact that's what the world expects us to do. Chase the boy until he lets you catch him. Run after love until you reach it, because if you don't you will be alone for the rest of your life.... But, I know that is false! When you are a lover of the Lord you are never alone. "When we work, God will wait; but when we wait, God will work" Lady in Waiting So, something I'm learning now is to seek the Lord to let him fill every intimate corner of my heart. And, for the past month or so he has been doing exactly that. I still have the desire to be married and have a family, but I know that is not what will complete me. Jesus has already done that. I look forward to meeting the man the Lord has made for me. But for now, I am finding my joy in serving the Lord and dancing with him. I have a joy better than any man could every give me. My joy comes from the Lord. "As the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love....I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15: 9, 11

How GREAT is our God!!!

A couple of months ago my Pa went to the MD Anderson and received a very bad report. The doctors told him his cancer had spread so much that if the medicine and treatment they were going to put him on worked, he would have 4-5 years to live. But, if it didn't work, he would have 1-2 years to live. Either way, he would eventually lose his life to cancer. Boy was this hard news for my family! But we continued to pray and know that God is our only healer. The doctors can do what they think will help, but it is in God's hands. We kept praying, HARD! My grandpa went to the doctor the week before Thanksgiving. His PSA count went down from 137 to 20!!!!! Praise the Lord! His doctor stayed up all night thinking about him and trying to decide if he needed to still have chemotherapy because they want his count to be below 13. Well, that night at life group we prayed for our families, and of course Pa was on my heart. So, we prayed! Then later that night I felt the Lord wanted me to intercede for my grandpa at that time. So, I was obiedient and stayed up all night praying for him and that he wouldn't have to do chemo (the same time his doctor was up all night thinking about him. I really believe the Lord was speaking to her while I was pleading with him!) The next morning the doctor called him and said she stayed up all night thinking about him and decided he didn't need chemo, and sent him home!!!! Praise the Lord again!!!! :) THEN, he went to the doctor this week and his PSA count went DOWN even more!!!! from 20 to 11.7!!!!!! :)))) The Lord is doing incredible work in my grandpa and in my family. I am so thankful that he is showing favor on us and overcoming the enemy who causes disease. I believe the Lord does not cause sickness, becaus why would he inflict something on his children that he has already died for? That's just silly. I believe God answers when we seek him with all our heart. There is not a doubt in my mind of that! Through this hardship I am falling more and more in love the with the Lord and his faithfulness! I am so glad I serve the God who has compassion on his children and the passion and power to heal them! He is so good! "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." Psalm 28:7

What A Beautiful God!

Well, it's been a while since I've posted on here....

Just a recap from the past couple of months.....

I worked at Camp Eagle this past summer. God did huge, amazing things out there in my campers and in me. I experienced the presence of the Lord like I never have before. He healed my foot when I had broken it from two guys falling on my foot in the mud pit. It was incredible to feel the hands of God put my bones in my foot back together. He also encountered my heart in incredible ways. He revealed to me that I am beautiful because I am His. That it is only Him in me that makes me that way. I fell so deeply in love this summer, and continue to fall more in love...

That leads me to now....God continues to teach me so much and just flip tables in my life. He's pursuing my heart and answering my prayers like never before.

I'm really excited to see what else He is going to do :)

Deja Vu...??

"Tomorrow is the start of my 13 week stay at Camp Eagle. No phone, no internet; I'll get to spend the whole summer away from reality and intune with God....with anxious/nervous/excited feelings I'll head to Rocksprings. Excited to spend the summer with Jesus, but the voice of satan constantly speaks in my head. "You're not going to have enough strength", "Those kids aren't going to like you", "You're going to get so tired", "You're going to get homesick"....all of these and more satan tells me every day! I struggle to deny them and claim they aren't true. I struggle to put my complete trust in God that He will give me the strength, the words, and the love to do what He has planned. I believe that great things are going to happen this summer. Bigger things than I ever thought could possibly happen, but it's hard for me to believe that I will play a part in them and that God will work through me. I continue to struggle to trust God in every aspect of my life, especially with the relationships that are going to be formed soon.I have a couple of goals for the summer: 1. Become completely confident in God and trust Him in every aspect of my life; especially in relationships with other people. 2. Know and believe what God thinks about me. 3. Start to have complete faith in God's plan for my life and know that He is in control."

I wrote this blog two year ago before I left for camp for the first time. It's funny how not many things have changed. I'm still nervous, anxious, excited, terrified, and hopeful for all that God is going to do this summers still nervous about the relationships with campers and counselors, and that I won't have what it takes to make a difference...and those are legit reasons to be nervous. Because I don't have what it takes. I don't have what it takes to make relationships work or make a difference in campers lives or to even go deeper with the Lord. I don't have what it takes, but Jesus does!

I know this better than last time I worked at camp. I feel like this past season I have walked in, more than ever, I have learned that I don't have what it takes. I'm weak, broken, anxious, insecure and ignorant--but Jesus isn't. He is what gives me strength to keep pouring in after days weeks of campers, he gives me hope after hearing the broken stories of camper's home lives, he gives me peace when the world around me is crazy, and gives me confidence in who I am and who He created me to be!

I'm thankful for this because now I can go to camp not being worried or afraid, but confident and excited to see all that God is going to do this summer.

Satan is trying to distract me an make me scared or afraid because he knows what all God is going to do. He's scared and afraid of the kingdom of God coming and wrecking campers this summer! But his tricks are all the same...God is going to do work this summer. He's going to wreck campers lives and wreck mine. When satan attacks it only makes me more excited because I know he's scared...

My goals for this summer: 1. Dive in so much deeper with the Lord. 2. Submit my plans Him who knows what I need better than I do. & 3. Learn to love people unconditionally and extravagantly.

Life is WONDERFUL!

So, six months ago I decided to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I decided to trust God with my life and transfer to ACU. All my life people have told me "if you ask God for things in your life He will fulfill them bigger and better than you could ever imagine," Boy were they right! Six months ago I trusted the Lord that my move to ACU would be where and what I needed. God continues to blow my expectations completely out of the water! He has blessed my life with so many people who I am loving living life with! They are wonderful people who continually help me grow closer to God and encourage me to hear His truths. They are teaching me to trust God in every aspect of my life, including relationships. I have grown so much this past half-a-year. I look back and don't even know who that person is. It amazes me how good God is and how loving He is. It really is true if you put all your faith in him he will not let you down. He will give you MORE than what you ask for. He WILL fulfill your every desire. He put them there for a reason and they will not go unfulfilled. I have learned that God's timing is the best timing. It is 11 days until we leave for Camp Eagle and God continues to encourage me by putting different people with different testamonies in my life. Through those people He is teaching me I am worthy through him. He is teaching me to trust him with my whole heart and life, not just parts. I am expecting amazing things this summer, and I know God will completely blow my expectations away! I cannot wait to see all that He is going to do this summer! :)

"Perfect love casts out all fear."--1 John 4:18 This verse has become the basis of my reality. I've started to believe that love is the foundation of everything. If love is not the basis of your relationships they will fail, because love is God and God is love. They are the same! Love conquers all. Love never fails. Love always persaveres. You are made in love and therefore are a conqueror of everything. God has made us conquerors. God has made us in love. He has cleansed us in love. He loves us in love. He has given us freedom through love. "If love is not your foundation, you will be performing the rest of your life."--Ponder that for a second. It's pretty powerful!!!

Savvy

Since I have come to college I've found that I have NO time management at all. This is something I should have learned while in sports and other activities at school...but, as always, I put everything off until the last minute. Then I find myself feeling exhausted and I still do not do what I should. I usually spend myself on Facebook, and now I think I'll find myself on here, on my blog.... One project for school that I've been putting off doing is my "Savvy" project for my children's literature class. My professor gave me this project weeks ago so we would have time to think about it and plan for it; it's due monday! :-/ I've been having the hardest time doing this. I guess it may be because I don't know who I really am. I don't know what I'm good at. I'm always so focused on my weaknesses and I don't know my strengths....I'm still in the midst of finding that out. Ever since I can remember I have described myself as an athlete, a daughter, a sister, a PAL, a girlfriend; and now, I am only two of those things, a daughter and a sister. I have always defined who I am by what I did, and not really known who I am and how God sees me. This is something I've been struggling with...knowing who I am, without defining myself as something. I know that God loves me, and that love never wavers, so I should see myself as a child of God, and that is all I need. But, it is hard to remember that. I guess that is part of going to college and growing up. You have to figure out who you are....

Dreams are Cray Cray!

Last night I had a very weird dream! It was based in the 1800s, I think. There were three groups fighting: the Indians, African Americans, and white people. We all lined up to in a line of four, straight across, like we were going to have a shoot out. Since I was a stud shooter, I never got killed or shot by anyone. Then I had to match up against my friend Sam, and I really did not want to shoot him. Next thing I hear a gunshot and Sam disappears. I was very upset and couldn't find Sam anywhere. Then all of a sudden he appeared out of no where, and he was ALIVE! I was so happy I started crying. But, he was limping...I asked him what was wrong and he said that I had shot his middle toe off! I felt horrible! Needless to say, it was the weirdest dream I have had in a while.