"Your grace is sufficient for me.
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak.
All that I cling to I lay at your feet.
Your grace is sufficient for me."
By: Shane & Shane
"Sufficient"--adj. Enough, adequate
I look around me and everyone is dating, engaged, or married...
Then I ask myself...
"What's wrong with me?"
"Why is no one pursuing me?"
"Am I not attractive?"
"Am I not funny enough?"
"Am I not lovable?"
"God, why is it not time for me? What else do I need to work on? What else? I'm being faithful. I'm not sleeping around. I'm not running around flirting with every boy I'm around. What else do I have to do??!!!"
At this point I can honestly say I'm getting angry and impatient.
Then I hear a still soft voice that says, "My grace is sufficient for you. Am I not enough?"
Me: "I thought we'd been through this. Of course you're enough God. Of course you are."
God: "Okay, then let me be enough in every area of your life. Let me be enough for your heart sweet daughter."
I feel like me and God go through this conversation often. I know He never gets tired of it, but I sure do. I get tired of struggling to let the Lord be enough. I get tired of being frustrated that He is the only one to tell me I'm beautiful, that I'm lovable, that I'm enough---Why can't I just let Him be enough? Why can't I just let His words be the only ones that matter? Why do I long for someone to tell me the things the Lord already does? Why?.....
Why can't I let His grace be sufficient for me
Why can't I let Him be enough?
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Living Water
Recently I've gone on a health kit. I've been loving reading about new exercises, tips for runners, and nutrition. Today I read an interesting fact about water. I'm sure I've heard it before, but today I looked at it in a different way.
"Our body, like the earth, is 60 per cent to 70 per cent water. We float in water even before we’re born. Survival is possible for a few weeks without food, but for only a few days without water. About two litres of water is lost daily through breathing, sweating and kidney function. Water is part of every cell in our bodies. It aids digestion and metabolism, and the body’s ability to burn calories. It helps muscles move without cramping, supports vision, brain and kidney function, and maintains blood pressure and body temperature. Lack of water can increase fat deposits, bloating and constipation." (From Divine.ca, Canada's Online Women Magazine)
It got me thinking about the importance of water. Our bodies cannot function without enough water. Water is essential. I can think of times when my body became dehydrated because I did drink enough water. I became weak, irritable, moody, sick....
"Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water."" John 4:13-15
I think recently I've been spiritually dehydrated. I haven't been drawing from the source of living water, but have been trying to dig my own well in the middle of the desert. Ive been wondering around searching. The longer I wonder, the more frustrated I become. The longer I search, the more my desire for water diminishes...the only place I can become hydrated is from being with Jesus. Even when I feel busy and overwhelmed, I need to draw water from Jesus. Even when I can't feel him or don't think He's near, I run to Jesus.
So, this is the beginning of a new season for me. I'm no longer going to wonder around the desert searching for water. I'm going to draw water from the only place where I will no longer become thirsty.
Water is essential.
My time with Jesus is essential.
"Oh Lord I need you. Capture me. Come steal me away. Take me deeper to your heart. Surround me with you love and hold me close and never, never let me go. So close that I can feel your every breath until my heart begins to dance with yours. Never let me go. Won't you take me to a new place, to a realm of mercy and grace where love, love flows heavy. Oh Lord I need you. Capture me. Come steal me away. Take me deeper to your heart. Surround me with your love and hold me close and never, never let me go...Like a waterfall of honey let your love be pured down on me, OVERCOME ME!" --Waterfall by United Pursuit Band
"Our body, like the earth, is 60 per cent to 70 per cent water. We float in water even before we’re born. Survival is possible for a few weeks without food, but for only a few days without water. About two litres of water is lost daily through breathing, sweating and kidney function. Water is part of every cell in our bodies. It aids digestion and metabolism, and the body’s ability to burn calories. It helps muscles move without cramping, supports vision, brain and kidney function, and maintains blood pressure and body temperature. Lack of water can increase fat deposits, bloating and constipation." (From Divine.ca, Canada's Online Women Magazine)
It got me thinking about the importance of water. Our bodies cannot function without enough water. Water is essential. I can think of times when my body became dehydrated because I did drink enough water. I became weak, irritable, moody, sick....
"Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water."" John 4:13-15
I think recently I've been spiritually dehydrated. I haven't been drawing from the source of living water, but have been trying to dig my own well in the middle of the desert. Ive been wondering around searching. The longer I wonder, the more frustrated I become. The longer I search, the more my desire for water diminishes...the only place I can become hydrated is from being with Jesus. Even when I feel busy and overwhelmed, I need to draw water from Jesus. Even when I can't feel him or don't think He's near, I run to Jesus.
So, this is the beginning of a new season for me. I'm no longer going to wonder around the desert searching for water. I'm going to draw water from the only place where I will no longer become thirsty.
Water is essential.
My time with Jesus is essential.
"Oh Lord I need you. Capture me. Come steal me away. Take me deeper to your heart. Surround me with you love and hold me close and never, never let me go. So close that I can feel your every breath until my heart begins to dance with yours. Never let me go. Won't you take me to a new place, to a realm of mercy and grace where love, love flows heavy. Oh Lord I need you. Capture me. Come steal me away. Take me deeper to your heart. Surround me with your love and hold me close and never, never let me go...Like a waterfall of honey let your love be pured down on me, OVERCOME ME!" --Waterfall by United Pursuit Band
Thursday, October 6, 2011
A Beautiful Mess...
Last week was a train wreck. It was hard. I felt and expressed emotions I did not even know existed....
Last year, about this time, my family got word that my Pa's (grandpa) prostate cancer had returned. We always knew this was a possibility, but the possibility had become our reality. The doctors then gave him one to two years to live, if the treatments did not work; and two to five if they did work. So, they started him on chemotherapy treatments and regular visits to Houston. Things have been good, until a few weeks ago. He was then rushed to the ER by my Mimi because Pa was in so much pain. They then found that the cancer is active and has spread and he has multiple tumors on his spine. This was devestating news to my family.
Last week Pa was admitted to M.D. Anderson Hospital in Houston because he was in so much pain from his cancer. The doctors attending him told him there was no hope. We were told that this treatment he was doing was the last one available to try, and if that did not work then hospice would be called in. We were all devestated! Friday night was a terrible night for Pa. He was in so much pain, but faught and made it through the night. Saturday morning, he called my mom, uncles, and Mimi in the room to talk to them. He told them that he did not think he was going to make it through last night. That morning I went up to see him at the hospital. When I walked in the room his face lite up. He then said, "Rebekah, I want to show you something."..He stood up on his own, and then said, with a smirk on his face and slurred together because of the morphine, "See, I'm okay. I'm okay." I then started tearing up, of course; and about 2 o'clock Saturday afternoon he got to go home. :)
Monday night I was in night class and got a call from my mom. I was so nervous to answer, because every phone call I got from her last week was bad news. So, I ran out of class and called her back. Anxiously waiting, she said "Hey! What are you doing", in a tone that was not present last week. She went on to tell me that Pa's doctor had called today and told them some good news. His regular doctor, the one he has seen for a year now, was sick last week so she was not able to see him or attend to him while he was in the hospital last week. His doctor was furious at the doctors that were attending him last week for telling him that this is the end. She then told my grandparents that there are several more treatments we can try for his cancer and she does not think this is the end. She said, "when I think we are coming to the end, I will let you know; but I don't think we are!"
PRAISE THE LORD FOR THAT!!!!!! We have been praying and praying, hundreds of other people have been praying, and the Lord is so GOOD!!!! He has calmed the storm in our family and is covering us with peace. We don't know what the weeks ahead will hold, but right now the Lord is showing favor to my family in answering our cries to Him for help. He has heard every word and is constantly providing comfort and encouragement in this time.
I was in psychology class today and we were talking about symantics and symbols of language and how there are infinite combinations of them to form sentances. Although there are infinite combinations of symantics and symbols, NONE can ever describe the goodness of the Lord!!!!!!!!!
Last year, about this time, my family got word that my Pa's (grandpa) prostate cancer had returned. We always knew this was a possibility, but the possibility had become our reality. The doctors then gave him one to two years to live, if the treatments did not work; and two to five if they did work. So, they started him on chemotherapy treatments and regular visits to Houston. Things have been good, until a few weeks ago. He was then rushed to the ER by my Mimi because Pa was in so much pain. They then found that the cancer is active and has spread and he has multiple tumors on his spine. This was devestating news to my family.
Last week Pa was admitted to M.D. Anderson Hospital in Houston because he was in so much pain from his cancer. The doctors attending him told him there was no hope. We were told that this treatment he was doing was the last one available to try, and if that did not work then hospice would be called in. We were all devestated! Friday night was a terrible night for Pa. He was in so much pain, but faught and made it through the night. Saturday morning, he called my mom, uncles, and Mimi in the room to talk to them. He told them that he did not think he was going to make it through last night. That morning I went up to see him at the hospital. When I walked in the room his face lite up. He then said, "Rebekah, I want to show you something."..He stood up on his own, and then said, with a smirk on his face and slurred together because of the morphine, "See, I'm okay. I'm okay." I then started tearing up, of course; and about 2 o'clock Saturday afternoon he got to go home. :)
Monday night I was in night class and got a call from my mom. I was so nervous to answer, because every phone call I got from her last week was bad news. So, I ran out of class and called her back. Anxiously waiting, she said "Hey! What are you doing", in a tone that was not present last week. She went on to tell me that Pa's doctor had called today and told them some good news. His regular doctor, the one he has seen for a year now, was sick last week so she was not able to see him or attend to him while he was in the hospital last week. His doctor was furious at the doctors that were attending him last week for telling him that this is the end. She then told my grandparents that there are several more treatments we can try for his cancer and she does not think this is the end. She said, "when I think we are coming to the end, I will let you know; but I don't think we are!"
PRAISE THE LORD FOR THAT!!!!!! We have been praying and praying, hundreds of other people have been praying, and the Lord is so GOOD!!!! He has calmed the storm in our family and is covering us with peace. We don't know what the weeks ahead will hold, but right now the Lord is showing favor to my family in answering our cries to Him for help. He has heard every word and is constantly providing comfort and encouragement in this time.
I was in psychology class today and we were talking about symantics and symbols of language and how there are infinite combinations of them to form sentances. Although there are infinite combinations of symantics and symbols, NONE can ever describe the goodness of the Lord!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Learning to Feel Again..
Trust is such a fragile thing. According to Provers 3:5, trust is a heart thing. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.." For so long my heart has been so broken that I have not been able to trust. I've been scared. Trying to love people, but terrified that loving people would break my heart even more--scared of not being loved back. I've been trying to love people, but have been completely broken--trying to love people out of my own love for them, but failing because I've been so broken. Because of the past I've been holding back my heart and myself from people. Because of the past I have not been trusting people completely. I only put a little bit of myself out there, but if I feel like I'm being too vulnerable I pull my heart right back into it's safe box. The problem with the safe box is that my heart wasn't able to feel anything but the brokenness from the past. My heart has been in complete darkness and has been sufficating. I haven't let my heart feel anything--joy, sadness, heartbreak, excitement. If ever I have felt anything other than contentment I immediately rebuke the feeling. Whether it's sadness and the tears start coming, or butterflies from a boy and excitement in my heart; I immediately tell my heart to stop. Recently the Lord so graciously took me back to the root of why I act like this, of why I constantly cover my heart with bubble wrap, and lazor motion detectors, and machine guns, and completely shut down at the smallest sight of danger--a.k.a. feeling. He told me I was trusting people instead of trusting Him. I was placing my heart in the hands of weak and broken people, instead of His strong and steadfast hands.
So, I'm learning that the more I place my heart in His hands and trust Him, the more I am able to trust people. I am confident that my heart is safe and secure in my Father's hands. That doesn't mean I will never be hurt or disappointed, but it does mean that I will never be completely broken. I will never feel hopeless or lost again after putting my heart out there, because my hope is in the Lord.
Trust is a funny thing. The more I trust the Lord, the more my brokennes is healed. The more I am able to feel.
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4
So, I'm learning that the more I place my heart in His hands and trust Him, the more I am able to trust people. I am confident that my heart is safe and secure in my Father's hands. That doesn't mean I will never be hurt or disappointed, but it does mean that I will never be completely broken. I will never feel hopeless or lost again after putting my heart out there, because my hope is in the Lord.
Trust is a funny thing. The more I trust the Lord, the more my brokennes is healed. The more I am able to feel.
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Beautiful Exchange: Eve
Discipleship school may be over, but the fire the Lord lit inside my heart has not been quenched--it has actually been multiplied. I feel like such a hungry little baby and all I want to do is sit at my Father's feet and let Him feed me. This past week I have been going over teachings from d-school and listening to the teachings that really stirred my heart. While going back over my notes I came across a pink sheet about the women in Bible that Deanna Fields gave us during our "Woman of God" talk. I really enjoyed Deanna's talk and how she told us we have to fight. We were not meant to be women in distress, although sometimes our men need to be able to rescue us. God made us to be warriors just like men. He made us to fight for our families through prayer.
So, I started going over the pink sheet she gave us and it started with Eve. On the sheet there were three columns: Column 1: Women of the Bible--it was the woman, and where you could find them in the Bible; Column 2: what that woman let go of; and Column 3: what that woman picked up in exchange for what she let go of. For example, Eve was the first woman and "she exchanged death for hope of redemption." At first I was a bit confused. I asked myself, "How did Eve pick up hope? She basically lost both her sons after Cain killed Able." So I went back and read the whole story Deanna had written down on the sheet.
As I read I heard the Lord say, "Her hope was in my promise to her, not in her circumstance." This made me think back on Sunday at lifegroup when we split up into groups and talked about what we learned this summer. Something Brett said going along with what he had learned was, "God means what He says. He doesn't just say something and then is like 'Ooops, why'd I say that! Now I have to actually do it. No, He means what He says when He speaks." And this is exactly what Eve held on to.
In Genesis 3:15, the Lord says "...he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." and then Genesis 4: 25 says, "And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, "God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him." The Lord spoke and said that something would come through Eve (her seed) and stomp the serpent. Eve held tight to the promises of the Lord because she had been with Him and knew His character.
So many times I find myself doubting the things the Lord has told me. I question the things He has prophesied to me through other people and the things He has told me himself. I often find myself saying, "Well, I probably made that up", or "I must have heard wrong, He wouldn't promise me that." Eve has encouraged me to cling tight to the things the Lord has said to me. Even if I heard wrong, clinging to His promises will draw me closer to Him and keep me safe in His arms. Knowing He is faithful and keeps His promises is so freeing, and He longs for us to walk in that freedom!
One of my favorite scriptures of all time.
Isaiah 54:10-14
"For the mountiains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. "O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of agate (jasper/ruby), your gates of carbuncles (crystal), and your wall of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you."
Eve exchanged death for hope of redemption because she clung to the faithfulness of the Lord.
Lord, give me eyes to see and remember your faithfulness in my life. Transform my heart to be so confident in the power of your great love that in all circumstances my hope is in you. I cling to the promises you have spoke over my life. I cling tight to the desires in my heart you have promised to fulfill. Please continue to reveal your faithfulness to me. I trust you. And I love you. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
So, I started going over the pink sheet she gave us and it started with Eve. On the sheet there were three columns: Column 1: Women of the Bible--it was the woman, and where you could find them in the Bible; Column 2: what that woman let go of; and Column 3: what that woman picked up in exchange for what she let go of. For example, Eve was the first woman and "she exchanged death for hope of redemption." At first I was a bit confused. I asked myself, "How did Eve pick up hope? She basically lost both her sons after Cain killed Able." So I went back and read the whole story Deanna had written down on the sheet.
As I read I heard the Lord say, "Her hope was in my promise to her, not in her circumstance." This made me think back on Sunday at lifegroup when we split up into groups and talked about what we learned this summer. Something Brett said going along with what he had learned was, "God means what He says. He doesn't just say something and then is like 'Ooops, why'd I say that! Now I have to actually do it. No, He means what He says when He speaks." And this is exactly what Eve held on to.
In Genesis 3:15, the Lord says "...he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." and then Genesis 4: 25 says, "And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, "God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him." The Lord spoke and said that something would come through Eve (her seed) and stomp the serpent. Eve held tight to the promises of the Lord because she had been with Him and knew His character.
So many times I find myself doubting the things the Lord has told me. I question the things He has prophesied to me through other people and the things He has told me himself. I often find myself saying, "Well, I probably made that up", or "I must have heard wrong, He wouldn't promise me that." Eve has encouraged me to cling tight to the things the Lord has said to me. Even if I heard wrong, clinging to His promises will draw me closer to Him and keep me safe in His arms. Knowing He is faithful and keeps His promises is so freeing, and He longs for us to walk in that freedom!
One of my favorite scriptures of all time.
Isaiah 54:10-14
"For the mountiains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. "O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of agate (jasper/ruby), your gates of carbuncles (crystal), and your wall of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you."
Eve exchanged death for hope of redemption because she clung to the faithfulness of the Lord.
Lord, give me eyes to see and remember your faithfulness in my life. Transform my heart to be so confident in the power of your great love that in all circumstances my hope is in you. I cling to the promises you have spoke over my life. I cling tight to the desires in my heart you have promised to fulfill. Please continue to reveal your faithfulness to me. I trust you. And I love you. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Today, I am ready!
Almost 5 days until my dream of going to Africa comes true. This day I will never forget. Not only because I will be going to Uganda, but also because this day represents the Lord's faithfulness to me. When I was very little the Lord wrote "Africa" on my heart. I never knew why, but even when I was lost I would always say, "I'm going to move to Africa," or "I just want to go be with the orphans in Africa." I didn't realize until I started D-school that the reason I always said those things is because the Lord wrote "Africa" on my heart before the beginning of time. And eventhough I was lost and didn't know the Lord, His word spoken over my life was always going to be on my heart. Once I came to know the Lord, He began to give me more of His heart for Africa. The more I seeked His heart, the more He stirred me up.
Now, after a journey of not knowing the Lord, to being radically rocked by His love and His community He has placed in my life; my dream of going to comes true! It seems so surreal to me. I always wanted to go, but never thought it would happen. And now that I am following the Lord and going after His Kingdom, He is taking me to the place that He gave me His heart for. I no longer only get to stand in the gap for those people, but I get to go!
He's letting me go!
I feel like a little kid who has been waiting every since they were in kindergarden to play on the big playground, but they were always told that was for big kids. The little kid who always had to watch the big kids have all the fun playing on the monkey bars, slide down the twisty slide, and jump from tire to tire. But now, my teacher says, "Today, you are ready. You get to go play on the big playground. You get to go to the place you have been dreaming of going ever since you were a little girl." This is how I feel with my trip to Africa. I feel like all those years of waiting to go were the Lord bringing my life into alignment with His plan. It was Him growing me in the things of His kingdom so that when I go I won't just be going. I will be going and the Kingdom of God will be coming with me!
My dad is so faithful in His promises and His timing is perfect!
Thank you Jesus for being patient with me.
![]()
Now, after a journey of not knowing the Lord, to being radically rocked by His love and His community He has placed in my life; my dream of going to comes true! It seems so surreal to me. I always wanted to go, but never thought it would happen. And now that I am following the Lord and going after His Kingdom, He is taking me to the place that He gave me His heart for. I no longer only get to stand in the gap for those people, but I get to go!
He's letting me go!
I feel like a little kid who has been waiting every since they were in kindergarden to play on the big playground, but they were always told that was for big kids. The little kid who always had to watch the big kids have all the fun playing on the monkey bars, slide down the twisty slide, and jump from tire to tire. But now, my teacher says, "Today, you are ready. You get to go play on the big playground. You get to go to the place you have been dreaming of going ever since you were a little girl." This is how I feel with my trip to Africa. I feel like all those years of waiting to go were the Lord bringing my life into alignment with His plan. It was Him growing me in the things of His kingdom so that when I go I won't just be going. I will be going and the Kingdom of God will be coming with me!
My dad is so faithful in His promises and His timing is perfect!
Thank you Jesus for being patient with me.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Stirred up
Today, at D-school Randy and Callye Boyd came to speak to us. They are a very powerful couple who love the Lord and have a heart for His people. After hearing Callye speak today, I realized I want to be just like her.
She is a woman of God.
She loves the Lord.
She is strong.
She is powerful and walks in the authority Jesus gave her.
She loves well.
And people are drawn to Jesus because of the love she shows them.
She is confident in the promises God has told her.
She walks by faith.
She is humble.
She challenges her family.
She submits to her husband.
She is transparent.
She dies to herself daily and does the will of God.
Lord, teach me to be all these things in my own way. That these things wouldn't lead to comparison, but would challenge me to let you grow me. They would teach me to be transparent. Teach me to love well and uncondiotionally. Only you can transform me Jesus. I want to be more like you. Not my will, but yours be done.
She is a woman of God.
She loves the Lord.
She is strong.
She is powerful and walks in the authority Jesus gave her.
She loves well.
And people are drawn to Jesus because of the love she shows them.
She is confident in the promises God has told her.
She walks by faith.
She is humble.
She challenges her family.
She submits to her husband.
She is transparent.
She dies to herself daily and does the will of God.
Lord, teach me to be all these things in my own way. That these things wouldn't lead to comparison, but would challenge me to let you grow me. They would teach me to be transparent. Teach me to love well and uncondiotionally. Only you can transform me Jesus. I want to be more like you. Not my will, but yours be done.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Off-Season Workouts
So, I always was an athlete. I played everything there was to play. Did the hardest workouts of my life, and sometimes extra to get in shape for the specific sport I was in, especially if it was softball. There was an intensity in my workouts because of my passion to be excellent. I can remember staying after off-season workouts to run an extra two miles to be in shape for pitching. (Part of it was I was running away from reality because I didn't want to deal with the boyfriend I had at the time and him getting on to me for not coming to his house right after school. Running gave me an excuse to not talk to him.) But, also part of it was because I wanted to be in tip-top shape for when it was time for me to shine and for all the eyes to be on me as I pitched my heart out on the pitchers mound. I had a passion to be excellent at pitching. I had a passion to see batters swing at my curve ball, to hear the umpire shout "Strike Three! You're Out!!" and do the motion with his hands saying the batter was out. I had a passion to see the batter walk back to the dug out hanging there head down, and for everyone to be shouting for me and what I had just done. I had a passion for my name to be known all around our district for my junk pitches that kept batters on their toes. And I worked hard to be excellent. Many times I would fail or have an off day, but my passion to be excellent was still there. My conviction to be excellent was still there.
Right now, I feel like I am in the "off-season" in this season in my life. Not that I'm not pouring out into people or telling people about Jesus, but that I am in a break from school and the business that comes with taht. And I am in a season of preparation for the future season He is going to take me into. I am preparing for battle. I'm preparing for His glory to shine through me and the gifts He is giving me right now. I am studying hard, reading a lot, and diving deeper with the Lord and learning more about His heart for me and for His people. I have a passion for His name to be glorified in my life. I have a conviction for His name and glory to be spread all around the world like He has always planned. For people to see Him shine brightly in my life, instead of them seeing me. I have a passion for His glory to be spread among the earth and people to know Him and the life He has for them to grab a hold of. "Passion is not a feeling. It is a conviction. Even when we don't feel it we can worship Jesus and lift His name higher because we know He is worthy." (14:12). I have a passion for satan to flee from people's lives and chains to be broken because Jesus gave us all authority and all I have to do is say, "You're out of there!!!!" I have a passion for all peoples to hear the gospel so God can finally send satan back to the burning fire where he belongs. To see him walk with His head down back to his dug out, while the Lord stands on the pitchers mound shining with ALL of His glory! I have a passion for the Lord's name to be lifted high in every nation and for Him to draw nations to himself! (John 12:32) I want to work for the glory of the Lord with intensity and passion for His name to win hearts!
I have an everlasting conviction that Jesus is Lord and He is more than worthy of having control of my life. His name is more than worthy of being lifted high in my life, and being spread among the nations. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I am tired. Jesus will be lifted higher in my life because He is worthy.
I want to be in tip-top shape for future seasons the Lord has instore for me, and for the battles the Lord has equipped me and continues to equip me in I am facing today. I want the same intensity I had to workout so I could be excellent at pitching, to go deeper with the Lord. The intensity of going after His heart for His will to be done all over the earth.
Jesus, all for your glory I am yours. Not my will, but yours be done. Refine me, remake me, remove my selfishness from me, so that your glory will be known to those around me. And people will come to know you because your radiance shines through me. Not my will, but yours be done.
John 3:30
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Father, drench me in Proverbs 31.
"I will no longer be weighted down by friends and family talks with the concern of my biological clock, because I serve the author of time...who is not subject to time, but I am subject to Him. He has the ability to stop, fast forward, or rewind time. If we could role play, you would be Abraham and I would be Sarah; or you would be Isaac and I would be Rebekah--a servan'ts answered prayer. I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, made up of your rib Adam. And once we meet, like electrons, I will be drawn to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom....We were all made in His image, but you have the ability to refect, project, and even detect the Son. If I were to explain what you were to look like, you'd have to be a star. A son of the Son. I would gain energy simply by the light that you shine on me. I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis....I will wait for you.
And I will know you, because when you speak...
I will be reminded of Solomon's wisdom.
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses.
Your faith will remind me of Abraham.
Your confidence in God's word will remind me of Daniel.
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul.
Your heart for God will remind me of David.
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah.
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph.
Your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples.
And your ability to love selflessly and uncondionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won't need to identify you by any special math piece, or any special marks; because His word will be tatted all over your heart.
And you will know me, and you will fine me where the boldness of Ester meets the warm closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary, which is ingulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah.
I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31.
Waiting for you."
These are not my words, but this aligns perfectly with my heart. I desire all these things. I desire these characteristics in a man, and I also desire to be anything like these noble women who love the Lord.
But more than anything, I desire to submit to the will of my Father. The author of the greatest love story of all time. I desire to trust Him completely, and wait on Him patiently. He is the only one who truly satisfies my every desire, and who continues to faithfully pursue every corner of my heart. I trust Him. I love Him. So even if He calls me to a life of singleness, I will be satisfied in His love. I will be giddy in His presence and tickled by His touch.
Whatever He may have instore for me, I trust His heart and plan for me.
I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31 not for the approval of man, but to bring joy to my Father.
(Here is the website for the poem. The whole thing is powerful. Her words are powerful and the way the Lord speaks through her is powerful.)
http://theresurgence.com/2011/04/06/a-poem-for-all-single-people-pass-it-on
And I will know you, because when you speak...
I will be reminded of Solomon's wisdom.
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses.
Your faith will remind me of Abraham.
Your confidence in God's word will remind me of Daniel.
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul.
Your heart for God will remind me of David.
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah.
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph.
Your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples.
And your ability to love selflessly and uncondionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won't need to identify you by any special math piece, or any special marks; because His word will be tatted all over your heart.
And you will know me, and you will fine me where the boldness of Ester meets the warm closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary, which is ingulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah.
I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31.
Waiting for you."
These are not my words, but this aligns perfectly with my heart. I desire all these things. I desire these characteristics in a man, and I also desire to be anything like these noble women who love the Lord.
But more than anything, I desire to submit to the will of my Father. The author of the greatest love story of all time. I desire to trust Him completely, and wait on Him patiently. He is the only one who truly satisfies my every desire, and who continues to faithfully pursue every corner of my heart. I trust Him. I love Him. So even if He calls me to a life of singleness, I will be satisfied in His love. I will be giddy in His presence and tickled by His touch.
Whatever He may have instore for me, I trust His heart and plan for me.
I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31 not for the approval of man, but to bring joy to my Father.
(Here is the website for the poem. The whole thing is powerful. Her words are powerful and the way the Lord speaks through her is powerful.)
http://theresurgence.com/2011/04/06/a-poem-for-all-single-people-pass-it-on
Thursday, May 12, 2011
I Will Wait...
Walking back from my exam I was just talking to the Lord and praising Him for giving me desires He is revealing to me more and more every day, but also surrendering them back to Him...because they're good, but my focus needs to be on the Lord, not on my feelings.
And I hear, "Wait".
Such a simple word, but yet sometimes so hard to do. Waiting can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. It is often the most beneficial, but definitely the hardest!
When I was walking to my car I just started praising the Lord in my own song--I don't know where it came from, but here it is....
I will wait on you Lord.
It's you that I want.
All my hope is in you,
I know my future is secure.
So I will wait.
And sing praises to you name.
I will wait.
And seek only your face.
I will wait.
Becaust I trust your plan for me.
You've written every detail, every person that I'll meet.
You see the final picture, each stroke makes it complete.
So, I will wait on you, and it's you Lord that I seeek.
You love me and have good things instore.
In this waiting time I will grow to love you more!
You are all I want.
You're all I seek.
Without you, I am incomplete.
<3
God, give me more patience as I wait for you. I trust you and your perfect plan for me.
I will wait upon you Lord....
And I hear, "Wait".
Such a simple word, but yet sometimes so hard to do. Waiting can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. It is often the most beneficial, but definitely the hardest!
When I was walking to my car I just started praising the Lord in my own song--I don't know where it came from, but here it is....
I will wait on you Lord.
It's you that I want.
All my hope is in you,
I know my future is secure.
So I will wait.
And sing praises to you name.
I will wait.
And seek only your face.
I will wait.
Becaust I trust your plan for me.
You've written every detail, every person that I'll meet.
You see the final picture, each stroke makes it complete.
So, I will wait on you, and it's you Lord that I seeek.
You love me and have good things instore.
In this waiting time I will grow to love you more!
You are all I want.
You're all I seek.
Without you, I am incomplete.
<3
God, give me more patience as I wait for you. I trust you and your perfect plan for me.
I will wait upon you Lord....
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Somalia
I guess about a month ago World Mandate came to Beltway and spoke and stirred us up for going and loving the world. When we were there they told us to ask the Lord to give us a country. I, with little faith in hearing anything, asked the Lord for a country. And He answered me. He gave me Somalia. I didn't even know there was a country named that! I thought I had made it up in my head. So, when we were walking out of the church I whipped out my iPhone and googled it. Somalia is in fact a country....
I've been praying about it and researching it ever since then off and on. I believe that the Lord is calling me there, but yesterday when I was researching He gave me a few things He wants me to do to prepare me before I go.
1. Learn Somali or Arabic.
2. Study Sunni Isalm.
3. Pay half my student loans off.
4. Learn to live simply.
These are things I believe the Lord specifically calling me to do before He sends me there. Somalia is an evil, dark, and dangerous country. I'm beginning that I can't just go....as much as I want to. There are some practical things the Lord wants me to learn and grow in before I go.
Do I believe the Lord is calling me to go there one day? Yes!
Do I believe Somalia will be my home one day? Yes!
Do I believe the Lord is growing me in things here before it's time for Him to send me? Yes!
Do I believe that day is right when I get out of college? No.
I know the Lord isn't done with me. There is still so many things He is going to teach me and things in my life where I still need to grow.
Something Lindsay said today confirmed my thinking that He wasn't calling me there right now, but in the future. She said, "99% of the time when the Lord gives us a word, it's for the future, eventhough we want it to be for right now."
So now, I will wait patiently upon the Lord and pray without ceasing for that countries hearts to be softened to the gospel; and for the Holy Spirit to fall on those people!
I also am praying the Lord will give me more of His heart for Muslims and more of an understanding of their religion and rituals.
Just more of His heart in general.
These precious babies need to know the love of the Lord!
Lord, mold me to what you want and send me out! I want to be the vessle of your love that loves these babies!!!!
I've been praying about it and researching it ever since then off and on. I believe that the Lord is calling me there, but yesterday when I was researching He gave me a few things He wants me to do to prepare me before I go.
1. Learn Somali or Arabic.
2. Study Sunni Isalm.
3. Pay half my student loans off.
4. Learn to live simply.
These are things I believe the Lord specifically calling me to do before He sends me there. Somalia is an evil, dark, and dangerous country. I'm beginning that I can't just go....as much as I want to. There are some practical things the Lord wants me to learn and grow in before I go.
Do I believe the Lord is calling me to go there one day? Yes!
Do I believe Somalia will be my home one day? Yes!
Do I believe the Lord is growing me in things here before it's time for Him to send me? Yes!
Do I believe that day is right when I get out of college? No.
I know the Lord isn't done with me. There is still so many things He is going to teach me and things in my life where I still need to grow.
Something Lindsay said today confirmed my thinking that He wasn't calling me there right now, but in the future. She said, "99% of the time when the Lord gives us a word, it's for the future, eventhough we want it to be for right now."
So now, I will wait patiently upon the Lord and pray without ceasing for that countries hearts to be softened to the gospel; and for the Holy Spirit to fall on those people!
I also am praying the Lord will give me more of His heart for Muslims and more of an understanding of their religion and rituals.
Just more of His heart in general.
These precious babies need to know the love of the Lord!
Lord, mold me to what you want and send me out! I want to be the vessle of your love that loves these babies!!!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Acts 2:42-47
Lately it's really hit me the importance of community. I mean, I've seen the importance for a while now, but now I just really get it. I understand the importance of have people to hang out with. I understand the importance of having people to help you work through all the junk in your life. And I understand the importance of experiencing the love of the Lord in people. That's what my community does for me. I get to experience the unconditional love of the Lord when I confide in them things from my past. They don't judge. They don't shake their finger in my face. They weep and cry with me and help me walk into freedom. I'm so thankful for their love and they way they let the Lord love through them. I now understand the importance of living life together, because you are who your friends are right??...Well my friends are ballers! They love Jesus and push me closer to Him! I'm so thankful for the community the Lord has put me in and that I can live life and see more of the kingdom through each of them. I'm thankful the Lord has placed them all in my life and I get to grow closer to Him when I grow closer to them!
Acts 2:42-47
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and have everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet togehter in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."
When we live in community as the Lord has designed us to be, He increases the kingdom! He blesses our devotion and pouring out to His people.
He is good!
Acts 2:42-47
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and have everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet togehter in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."
When we live in community as the Lord has designed us to be, He increases the kingdom! He blesses our devotion and pouring out to His people.
He is good!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Even Now....
Last week I didn't feel the Lord at all....I couldn't feel His presence. I couldn't hear Him. I just felt alone....But I know I wasn't....I've kinda been feeling like that all day today....just kinda empty and alone.
But today, while sitting at my vanity getting ready to go to a going away dinner for my friend Raquel the song "Even Now" by United Pursuit Band came on and the words hit me right in the heart.....
Doesn’t always work like I planned it
I’ve seen a lot of good things
And a lot of things
Have been out of my hands
But even when I don’t understand it
We have all got choices to make
And this one is mine
Even now here’s my heart, God
Seems like all you do is so hidden
Sometimes I led to wonder
Are you working at all
But even in the darkness I’m listening
To your still small voice in the distance
I heed your call.
Even now here’s my heart, God I’m in Love Running out of reasons to doubt you
Can’t live another day here without you
Even now here’s my heart, God
I’m in Love Am
Your love is sweeter than honey
Your love is stronger than death
Your love lifts me of my burdens
And teaches me to dance
Even now, when I can't feel Him, I know He's working on incredible things in my life. Even now, when I feel empty, I know He's about to bless me abundantly. Even now, when I feel like I'm striving to show joy and let it pour out, He's about to cover me with blessings. Even now, when I feel like I have nothing left to give to people, He's about to give graciously through me....Even now, in the times I feel lonely but don't want to be around people, He's going to bless me with His presence, which is the fullness of joy!!!!
I trust Him. I trust the season He has put me in. I trust the things He's doing in my heart and the perseverance He's teaching me.....despite the circumstances I'm in, I trust Him and His heart for me!
I'm in love with the Lord, and I know He's in love with me. And when you're in love, you don't just "grow out of love". You persevere through sickness and health, through the times when you feel like you're on the top of the world, or in the middle of a bottom-less pit. You push through. And in the end, you grow more intimate than you could ever imagine.
That is my hope.
"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:15-16
But today, while sitting at my vanity getting ready to go to a going away dinner for my friend Raquel the song "Even Now" by United Pursuit Band came on and the words hit me right in the heart.....
Doesn’t always work like I planned it
I’ve seen a lot of good things
And a lot of things
Have been out of my hands
But even when I don’t understand it
We have all got choices to make
And this one is mine
Even now here’s my heart, God
Seems like all you do is so hidden
Sometimes I led to wonder
Are you working at all
But even in the darkness I’m listening
To your still small voice in the distance
I heed your call.
Even now here’s my heart, God I’m in Love Running out of reasons to doubt you
Can’t live another day here without you
Even now here’s my heart, God
I’m in Love Am
Your love is sweeter than honey
Your love is stronger than death
Your love lifts me of my burdens
And teaches me to dance
Even now, when I can't feel Him, I know He's working on incredible things in my life. Even now, when I feel empty, I know He's about to bless me abundantly. Even now, when I feel like I'm striving to show joy and let it pour out, He's about to cover me with blessings. Even now, when I feel like I have nothing left to give to people, He's about to give graciously through me....Even now, in the times I feel lonely but don't want to be around people, He's going to bless me with His presence, which is the fullness of joy!!!!
I trust Him. I trust the season He has put me in. I trust the things He's doing in my heart and the perseverance He's teaching me.....despite the circumstances I'm in, I trust Him and His heart for me!
I'm in love with the Lord, and I know He's in love with me. And when you're in love, you don't just "grow out of love". You persevere through sickness and health, through the times when you feel like you're on the top of the world, or in the middle of a bottom-less pit. You push through. And in the end, you grow more intimate than you could ever imagine.
That is my hope.
"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:15-16
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Dependent on Him
At night before I go to bed I read a devotional or two out of this book called "Come Away My Beloved". This book is annointed. Every single time I open it and read from it, the words pierce my heart deep! It's such a good book to meditate on before I go to bed. It just really shows the love the Lord has for His people. Anyways, last night I read one and this is what it said....So GOOD! Lord, please let these words continue to pierce my heart to go deeper into intimacy with you. Bless the person who reads this. You're so good Dad, I love you! Amen.
It's called, "I Anticipate Your Dependence on Me".
"I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
O My Child, give Me your heart, for out of it issues life. My hand is upon you, and I will keep you in all places wherever you go. I am your God, and I am your Father, and I will care for you and provide for you according to all that you need. I will be at your side, ready to help you whenever you call on Me. I am not unmindful of your needs, and My concern is for you.
You do not need to carry your own load, for I will be happy to help you carry it and to bear you up, as well. You do not walk alone or meet any situation alone, for I am with you, and I will give you wisdom and strength, and My blessing shall be yours. Keep your heart set on Me and your affections on things above; for I cannot bless you unless you ask Me. And I cannot answer if you do not call. I cannot minister to you unless you come to Me.
Do not wait to feel worthy, for not one is worthy of my blessings. My grace bypasses your shortcomings, I give to My children because they ask of Me and because I love them; I do not love one more than another. I give most liberally to those who ask the most of Me, for I love to have you depend on Me. This is why the Spirit within you cries, "Abba-Father." As your Father, I anticipate your dependence on Me. You may mature and outgrow your dependence on your human parents, but as My child, you will never "outgrow" your spiritual sonship, nor will I ever cast you out to rely on your own resources, not even when you become a parent. Indeed, then you will more fully appreciate My feelings towards you. You will then understand the love a father has for his child and experience the desire to care for and provide; then you will know more fully how much I love you, how ready I am to help you, and how available I am to counsel with you and give you My support.
Heaven's resources are at your command, and you need never want, so long as I am your Shepherd. Do not think that since i know all about you, you need not bother to tell Me. It is true that I know, but you need to tell Me so that in the telling, you experience the release of an open heart, and the fellowship of a Friend.
As you open your heart to Me, I will come to you. As you speak to Me, I will speak to you. As you reveal yourself to Me, I will reveal Myself to you. This is a law of life. There must be action to bring reaction. There must be a question to bring an answer. There must be an expression of love and confidence on the part of one person to arouse a corresponding response in another person.
Never presume My presence. Never assume that knowing your need, I will automatically supply. Ask, and it shall be given. Call upon Me, and I will answer you. Tell me that you love Me, and I will make your heart know in a very real way My love for you and My nearness, and you shall never feel alone.
Welcome Me into your heart, and the more you sense My presence within you, the more you feel at home no matter where you may be. Forget anything else, but never forget this.
It's called, "I Anticipate Your Dependence on Me".
"I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
O My Child, give Me your heart, for out of it issues life. My hand is upon you, and I will keep you in all places wherever you go. I am your God, and I am your Father, and I will care for you and provide for you according to all that you need. I will be at your side, ready to help you whenever you call on Me. I am not unmindful of your needs, and My concern is for you.
You do not need to carry your own load, for I will be happy to help you carry it and to bear you up, as well. You do not walk alone or meet any situation alone, for I am with you, and I will give you wisdom and strength, and My blessing shall be yours. Keep your heart set on Me and your affections on things above; for I cannot bless you unless you ask Me. And I cannot answer if you do not call. I cannot minister to you unless you come to Me.
Do not wait to feel worthy, for not one is worthy of my blessings. My grace bypasses your shortcomings, I give to My children because they ask of Me and because I love them; I do not love one more than another. I give most liberally to those who ask the most of Me, for I love to have you depend on Me. This is why the Spirit within you cries, "Abba-Father." As your Father, I anticipate your dependence on Me. You may mature and outgrow your dependence on your human parents, but as My child, you will never "outgrow" your spiritual sonship, nor will I ever cast you out to rely on your own resources, not even when you become a parent. Indeed, then you will more fully appreciate My feelings towards you. You will then understand the love a father has for his child and experience the desire to care for and provide; then you will know more fully how much I love you, how ready I am to help you, and how available I am to counsel with you and give you My support.
Heaven's resources are at your command, and you need never want, so long as I am your Shepherd. Do not think that since i know all about you, you need not bother to tell Me. It is true that I know, but you need to tell Me so that in the telling, you experience the release of an open heart, and the fellowship of a Friend.
As you open your heart to Me, I will come to you. As you speak to Me, I will speak to you. As you reveal yourself to Me, I will reveal Myself to you. This is a law of life. There must be action to bring reaction. There must be a question to bring an answer. There must be an expression of love and confidence on the part of one person to arouse a corresponding response in another person.
Never presume My presence. Never assume that knowing your need, I will automatically supply. Ask, and it shall be given. Call upon Me, and I will answer you. Tell me that you love Me, and I will make your heart know in a very real way My love for you and My nearness, and you shall never feel alone.
Welcome Me into your heart, and the more you sense My presence within you, the more you feel at home no matter where you may be. Forget anything else, but never forget this.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Song of Solomon
When I was a little girl my favorite game was playing barbies, or house. I would always want to make the barbies live life out. First, they'd start in college. Then, they'd find a boy and they'd get married. Then, they'd have babies and raise them. Lather, Rince, Repeat....lol But really, that was how my brain worked. I think that is how every little girl is trained to think when they are younger. Because of movies and our culture we're brought up thinking that marriage and having kids is all we are suppose to do in life. That is our purpose, and if we don't fulfill our purpose something is wrong with us. In the book Lady In Waiting the author says. "Too many women grow up believing that the inconsolable ache in her heart is for 'a man.' To love a man, get married, and then have children is thought to be the only script that will satisfy her heart's deepest longing. But no man, woman, or child can appease this longing; it can only be satisfied by the ultimate Bridegroom, Christ Jesus." This quote is SO true and something I've been processing, and even breaking the chain of that lie for a while now....Jesus is our fulfillment. Intimacy with Him is our heart's desire!
Over spring break trip the Lord called me into a season of intentional singleness. It's been really good just to be able to focus on the Lord and His heart for me, and not even subconsciously seek something with anyone other than the Lord. I'm learning how to be in complete intimacy with the Lord....the Lord was becoming more of my lover than anything else to me. He is satisfying my heart in all the corners I didn't even know were there... Through this season the Lord has really been pointing me to Song of Solomon 2:16, "My lover is mine and I am his, he browses among the lillies." One way this verse has been speaking to me is.... Jesus is my LOVER! He is my fulfillment, and no man here on earth can ever take His place. Jesus desire me. He loves me. He calls me beautiful and thinks I'm worth His love!!!! What? I'm worth it! That's just crazy to me. Me; broken, selfish, nasty me, He thinks I'm worth His love. Not only just as my father, but I'm worthy of the most intimate love He created. I'm worthy of His love as my soul mate. The one my heart becomes one with. He is that man for me! During this season I'm becoming very content with being single. I'm content with what the Lord is doing in my life, and how He's loving me. I still have the desire to be married and raise godly children to go after the Lord, but I'm also content with it just being me and Jesus. He's all my heart needs! that's something I'm really learning and really trying to cling to!
Through this season I'm also learning to honor my future husband more (if the Lord has that in His plan for me). I really have been trying to watch my actions, dress, and words around my brothers. Not only to honor whoever the Lord has for me to be with, but also to honor my brothers and the women the Lord has for them. I think it's a beautiful thing when we can all walk in community together as one body. As the church. I know we are humans, but how great would it be that we could walk together without any distractions or confusion about our actions and words with each other? How much more could we do for Jesus? How much MORE would God's kingdom come to earth?!!! How many more people could be hearing about Jesus and could no longer be eternally seperated from God! I think we should learn to radically honor each other as brothers and sisters. I'm not quite sure what it looks like yet, but what could it hurt to be completely selfless when interacting with each other. That we wouldn't perform for promoting ourselves, but we would honor one another in love and push each other closer to Jesus ALL the times we interact with each other!
Today during section lifegroup, I really felt like I could feel the sweet love of the Lord. He gave me this vision of us skipping through this field. I couldn't see his face, but I knew it was him. I was dressed in an all white dress, my hair was long and curled, and He had placed a sunflower in my hair behind my ear. (He knows sunflowers are my favorite!) Anyways, we just skipped and ran and walked through this field and picked more flowers. Then we went to this HUGE oak tree and He pushed me on this swing hanging from it and sang sweet sweet songs to me. Then we went and sat on this blanket and talked and laughed and he spoke a lot of identity to me. It was incredible!!! The Lord is just sweet. His love is sweet like honey. It's funny that I was kinda frustrated because Friday my heart was really stirred up with some things and I couldn't get back to where I wanted with the Lord. The feelings were keeping me from that because all I could think of was my worldly feelings. But the Lord encountered me in my frustration. He took it completely away with His sweet love for me and His relentless pursuit of my WHOLE heart!!! He is so good to me, so much more than I deserve!!! I just want to partner with Him and help every girl see and experience His love for them!!! His love is so much and so great!!! It's fulfilling and satisfying. In His presence is the fulness of joy!!
Jesus, help us to be world changers. Change our hearts so we become completely devoted to honoring one another. That it won't matter what situation we're in, but in everything we would push each other closer to you. We would encourage each other rather than use sarcasm all the time. Lord, I just want to be radical for you. Please break us from bondage to the 'fear of man'. More than anything I want to please you. Would you change our hearts to want please you by honoring each other. Would you change our hearts to not worry about what the world thinks, but that we would change the world through our radical love for you and for each other! Jesus we love you, thank you for what you did for us and for constantly interceding for us with the Father. I love you, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Through this season I'm also learning to honor my future husband more (if the Lord has that in His plan for me). I really have been trying to watch my actions, dress, and words around my brothers. Not only to honor whoever the Lord has for me to be with, but also to honor my brothers and the women the Lord has for them. I think it's a beautiful thing when we can all walk in community together as one body. As the church. I know we are humans, but how great would it be that we could walk together without any distractions or confusion about our actions and words with each other? How much more could we do for Jesus? How much MORE would God's kingdom come to earth?!!! How many more people could be hearing about Jesus and could no longer be eternally seperated from God! I think we should learn to radically honor each other as brothers and sisters. I'm not quite sure what it looks like yet, but what could it hurt to be completely selfless when interacting with each other. That we wouldn't perform for promoting ourselves, but we would honor one another in love and push each other closer to Jesus ALL the times we interact with each other!
Today during section lifegroup, I really felt like I could feel the sweet love of the Lord. He gave me this vision of us skipping through this field. I couldn't see his face, but I knew it was him. I was dressed in an all white dress, my hair was long and curled, and He had placed a sunflower in my hair behind my ear. (He knows sunflowers are my favorite!) Anyways, we just skipped and ran and walked through this field and picked more flowers. Then we went to this HUGE oak tree and He pushed me on this swing hanging from it and sang sweet sweet songs to me. Then we went and sat on this blanket and talked and laughed and he spoke a lot of identity to me. It was incredible!!! The Lord is just sweet. His love is sweet like honey. It's funny that I was kinda frustrated because Friday my heart was really stirred up with some things and I couldn't get back to where I wanted with the Lord. The feelings were keeping me from that because all I could think of was my worldly feelings. But the Lord encountered me in my frustration. He took it completely away with His sweet love for me and His relentless pursuit of my WHOLE heart!!! He is so good to me, so much more than I deserve!!! I just want to partner with Him and help every girl see and experience His love for them!!! His love is so much and so great!!! It's fulfilling and satisfying. In His presence is the fulness of joy!!
Jesus, help us to be world changers. Change our hearts so we become completely devoted to honoring one another. That it won't matter what situation we're in, but in everything we would push each other closer to you. We would encourage each other rather than use sarcasm all the time. Lord, I just want to be radical for you. Please break us from bondage to the 'fear of man'. More than anything I want to please you. Would you change our hearts to want please you by honoring each other. Would you change our hearts to not worry about what the world thinks, but that we would change the world through our radical love for you and for each other! Jesus we love you, thank you for what you did for us and for constantly interceding for us with the Father. I love you, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Weeks after Spring Break
So, it's a few weeks after our spring break mission trip....these are the weeks you either increase in what the Lord did, or you lose it. I want to increase. I want to go deeper with the Father. I want to learn more. I want to love more. I want to see His kingdom come more! But....I'm learning, that none of this comes unless you rest in the presence of the Father. I can't love people on my own. I can 't heal peole on my own. I can't lead people to the Lord on my own. I can't intern for life group on my own. I can't lead people on my own. I NEED JESUS!!!! More than ever I have this increasing NEED for Him. I have this desperation for His presence to surround me, and if I don't have it I feel aweful. It's like coming off of a sugar high....it's so good when you have sugar, but once you give it up or don't have it for an extended period of time...you feel like you need it. You feel like if you don't have it you'll die. (okay, well maybe not, but that's how I feel right now.) I NEED JESUS! I need Him to guard my heart. I need Him to help me get through the day. I need Him to wake me up in the morning. I need Him to go to class. I need Him to read and have quiet time. I need Him to worship......without Him, it all means nothing. Without Jesus, I have NO purpose! World Mandate from Waco came to Beltway on Wednesday. That night, more than ever I realized my need for Jesus and my purpose here on earth. My purpose isn't to be confortable and to "live my life to the fullest". My purpose is to be COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord and abandoned to my selfish desires. My purpose is to be completely sold out for the gospel. Completely aligned with the Father's heart and His desire for His people to be with Him forever! He wants all of us. Every tongue and every nation to sing forever in the throne room. AND, He wants to USE ME to make that happen! That's my purpose! That's why I'm here on earth! I'm here so HE can USE me!!!!!! There's nothing I want more than to be used by the Lord to love His people and increase His kingdom. There's nothing I want more than to go to the nations who have never heard and spread the gospel. There's nothing I want more than to be martyred for the sake of the gospel (intense, I know; but there's nothing I want more than to die for the sake of Christ). He has blessed me so much, the least I can do is be a vestle for His kingdom and partner with Him to fill the desires He has for His people! In His presence there is boldness and confidence! In His presence is the fullness of joy! In His presence He satisfies our every desire!!!!! <3 So Jesus, I just pray for an increasing of your kingdom here on earth. I ask God that you would raise up leaders and stir up your people so you can come back! We want you to come and be with us! We want to see your face! I know that this means more tragidy will come, but I have confidence in your love. And I know that when it seems the earth is crumbling, that is when you make yourself most known. That is when people need you, and that is when you COME! So God, I just ask that you come. Come raise us up. Come give us more love. More of your love to love people. I love you so much. Thank you for loving all of us. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Identity in the Lord
So many times I listen to the world we live in to define my identity that way, instead of listening to the Lord and what he says my identity is. So, I'm tired of listening to the world. I'm tired of believing the lies the world tells me. So this past week I decided I would no longer believe the lies and would cling to the truth. I prayed all week the Lord would tell me what he thinks about me and what my true identity is and I would cling to it; and believe the truth every day.
Thursday night at life group we started a thing called the "hot seat". This Thursday was the day they put me in the hot seat and encouraged me. The Lord really spoke my identity through people in life group. It's amazing because He knew I needed to hear it so I would cling to it abd believe it.
Here are some things he said: tender-hearted leader, patient, powerful joy, an atmosphere of joy, hunger for him, hunger to be who he has created me to be, precious to Him, heart of gold that draws people, growing love for the Lord, loved. ---All of these things are things I needed to hear and needed to cling to because they are all areas I would put myself down in.
The Lord is good and answers our prayers and requests.
Through these people He also revealed to me what I am suppose to do with the rest of my life...
For a while I've been trying to figure out how my passion for people with special needs is going to tie in with my heart for missions. I really feel like the Lord has been telling me to love the unlovely, or the unlovable. I always thought that was people with disabilities and special needs, but the Lord really has been changing my idea into something different. He's giving me a different idea of who the "unlovely" he wants me to love are. I feel like now he wants me to go and love the prostitutes, pregnant teenagers, and battered women and children. I feel the Lord is going to use my story to speak to their hearts. It's still something I'm going to dive into and pray about, and we'll see where the Lord takes that.
He is so good, and I'm glad he's the one writing my story instead of me doing it on my own.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says The Lord, "They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you hope and a future."
Thursday, January 27, 2011
God is Good!
My birthday was this past Tuesday, and I've never felt more loved than I did on that day! I spent the day surrounded by so many wonderful people who God has so graciously put in my life. I laughed so hard all day long! Harder than I have laughed in a long time! It was probably the best birthday I have had. :)
All that to say, God is just good.
He's way too good to me. I am definitely not worthy of how good he is and how good he treats me. He lavishes me with love like a princess. With joy like his bride. He is so wonderful. He brings healing to the crevices of my heart like a father bandages his daughters wounds. He holds my heart and protects it like a child protects a starfish they find on the beach. I am that precious to him. I am that worthy of love because of him.
God has really been speaking to my heart a lot about how much he loves me, how much he cherishes me, and how much he fights for me and my heart....
Sometimes I fail to realize how much he fights for me, and how much I fight myself and his tugging for me to just give up.
To give up fighting, give up hurting, give up longing for something more; and just BE in his presence. Just let Him take complete control of my life...
I so often fail at letting him have complete control of my life, my worries, and my heart--and try to fix everything myself.
What I'm realizing now, is if I just let him work in EVERY part of my life than I will be so much more joyful.
Last night I decided to let go. I decided to give up holding on the comfortableness of my past hurt to protect myself from getting hurt in the future. I realized I've been holding on to the lie from satan that no goldy man will love me because of my past....But I also know that because of Jesus I am justified. I am made righteous, and there is no condemnation. My past does not hover over my head like a big dark rain cloud. I can let the brightness and the joy of the Lord shine through me because of what Jesus did on the cross for me!
This is the truth I now cling to: Jesus Christ came and obeyed his Father because I am a sinner, but because he obeyed and died on the cross, I am justified and can be in the presence of the Lord. I can live without condemnation and can walk in freedom from my sin. I am no longer dead, but alive in Christ!
"Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous." Romans 5:18-19
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tide-to-Go Pen
Tonight I went to College Park at Beltway, it is probably one of my favorite nights of the week. It's always amazing to see the spirit of the Lord in so many college kids hearts. I am always blown away by the passion and love for Jesus and his presence that is in that place every Wednesday night!
When Keith was going over the topics we are going to be covering this spring at College Park, one point stood out to me the most. I feel that God really wanted me to hear this. That if I heard this and forgot everything else I would be okay. He said, "There is NO shame in Christ Jesus." WOW! I've always heard this to be true, but this time it really hit my heart, HARD!
Ever since I went home for Christmas break I've been struggling with my past. Satan threw memories back in my face when I was home, and he continues to do so while I'm back at school. (I know it's because I've let him.) But tonight I feel the Lord really wanted me to grasp this concept, and the depth of His love for me!
"There is no shame in Christ Jesus."
Again, WOW!
That means that though my past may be ugly to me, but because of Jesus it is no longer there! Satan can throw it all back in my face as many times as he wants, but because of Jesus I can live in freedom. I can walk without the dark cloud of shame hanging over my head and heart. I can put on the white robe of purity he gives me, without any of my dirt getting on it. I am a treasure to the Lord and no one will robe me from him. He was given me life through the death and resurrection of His son. He has called me to give up my life and follow him dispite the mess I made of my past.
Satan has no power over me. The Lord has overcome!!!
One night the Lord gave me this thought while in church. We were talking about purity, and I thought "God is like white out, he has covered all our sins." But then the Lord was like, "No Rebekah, I'm not like white out. I don't just cover up your sin. I am like a Tide-to-Go pen. I completely remove the stain of sin."
It's kinda funny to think God is like a Tide-to-Go pen. But I think the concept of what the pen does, totally portrays what the Lord does for us every day because of his son Jesus.
"Now the Lord is the Spirit. and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3: 17
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory taht will be revealed to us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God." Romans 8: 18-21
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Perfect Man....
Last night I decided to watch a movie called The Pefect Man...
This movie was about a single mom who is dating and when her "relationship" with the men goes bad, she packs up all her stuff, and her kids, and moves them to some other town to start over. She runs away instead of facing what's going on in her life...
I actually learned a lot about myself from this movie.
I learned that, like the mom I'm scared.
Scared of being hurt. Scared of putting my heart out there. Scared of being let down. Scared of letting someone know all my secrets again. Scared of letting someone else down. Scared of not being good enough for someone else...
I realized that I need to trust God with all of these things.
But, what does that even look like? How do I do that? How do I get to where I trust Him completely? When I get there, how do I stay that way?
Then, I realize I need to stop trying and just Be. Stop worrying about what if or how, and just let the Lord work.
So that's what I'm going to do..........
Let God work.
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