Trust is such a fragile thing. According to Provers 3:5, trust is a heart thing. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.." For so long my heart has been so broken that I have not been able to trust. I've been scared. Trying to love people, but terrified that loving people would break my heart even more--scared of not being loved back. I've been trying to love people, but have been completely broken--trying to love people out of my own love for them, but failing because I've been so broken. Because of the past I've been holding back my heart and myself from people. Because of the past I have not been trusting people completely. I only put a little bit of myself out there, but if I feel like I'm being too vulnerable I pull my heart right back into it's safe box. The problem with the safe box is that my heart wasn't able to feel anything but the brokenness from the past. My heart has been in complete darkness and has been sufficating. I haven't let my heart feel anything--joy, sadness, heartbreak, excitement. If ever I have felt anything other than contentment I immediately rebuke the feeling. Whether it's sadness and the tears start coming, or butterflies from a boy and excitement in my heart; I immediately tell my heart to stop. Recently the Lord so graciously took me back to the root of why I act like this, of why I constantly cover my heart with bubble wrap, and lazor motion detectors, and machine guns, and completely shut down at the smallest sight of danger--a.k.a. feeling. He told me I was trusting people instead of trusting Him. I was placing my heart in the hands of weak and broken people, instead of His strong and steadfast hands.
So, I'm learning that the more I place my heart in His hands and trust Him, the more I am able to trust people. I am confident that my heart is safe and secure in my Father's hands. That doesn't mean I will never be hurt or disappointed, but it does mean that I will never be completely broken. I will never feel hopeless or lost again after putting my heart out there, because my hope is in the Lord.
Trust is a funny thing. The more I trust the Lord, the more my brokennes is healed. The more I am able to feel.
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Beautiful Exchange: Eve
Discipleship school may be over, but the fire the Lord lit inside my heart has not been quenched--it has actually been multiplied. I feel like such a hungry little baby and all I want to do is sit at my Father's feet and let Him feed me. This past week I have been going over teachings from d-school and listening to the teachings that really stirred my heart. While going back over my notes I came across a pink sheet about the women in Bible that Deanna Fields gave us during our "Woman of God" talk. I really enjoyed Deanna's talk and how she told us we have to fight. We were not meant to be women in distress, although sometimes our men need to be able to rescue us. God made us to be warriors just like men. He made us to fight for our families through prayer.
So, I started going over the pink sheet she gave us and it started with Eve. On the sheet there were three columns: Column 1: Women of the Bible--it was the woman, and where you could find them in the Bible; Column 2: what that woman let go of; and Column 3: what that woman picked up in exchange for what she let go of. For example, Eve was the first woman and "she exchanged death for hope of redemption." At first I was a bit confused. I asked myself, "How did Eve pick up hope? She basically lost both her sons after Cain killed Able." So I went back and read the whole story Deanna had written down on the sheet.
As I read I heard the Lord say, "Her hope was in my promise to her, not in her circumstance." This made me think back on Sunday at lifegroup when we split up into groups and talked about what we learned this summer. Something Brett said going along with what he had learned was, "God means what He says. He doesn't just say something and then is like 'Ooops, why'd I say that! Now I have to actually do it. No, He means what He says when He speaks." And this is exactly what Eve held on to.
In Genesis 3:15, the Lord says "...he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." and then Genesis 4: 25 says, "And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, "God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him." The Lord spoke and said that something would come through Eve (her seed) and stomp the serpent. Eve held tight to the promises of the Lord because she had been with Him and knew His character.
So many times I find myself doubting the things the Lord has told me. I question the things He has prophesied to me through other people and the things He has told me himself. I often find myself saying, "Well, I probably made that up", or "I must have heard wrong, He wouldn't promise me that." Eve has encouraged me to cling tight to the things the Lord has said to me. Even if I heard wrong, clinging to His promises will draw me closer to Him and keep me safe in His arms. Knowing He is faithful and keeps His promises is so freeing, and He longs for us to walk in that freedom!
One of my favorite scriptures of all time.
Isaiah 54:10-14
"For the mountiains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. "O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of agate (jasper/ruby), your gates of carbuncles (crystal), and your wall of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you."
Eve exchanged death for hope of redemption because she clung to the faithfulness of the Lord.
Lord, give me eyes to see and remember your faithfulness in my life. Transform my heart to be so confident in the power of your great love that in all circumstances my hope is in you. I cling to the promises you have spoke over my life. I cling tight to the desires in my heart you have promised to fulfill. Please continue to reveal your faithfulness to me. I trust you. And I love you. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
So, I started going over the pink sheet she gave us and it started with Eve. On the sheet there were three columns: Column 1: Women of the Bible--it was the woman, and where you could find them in the Bible; Column 2: what that woman let go of; and Column 3: what that woman picked up in exchange for what she let go of. For example, Eve was the first woman and "she exchanged death for hope of redemption." At first I was a bit confused. I asked myself, "How did Eve pick up hope? She basically lost both her sons after Cain killed Able." So I went back and read the whole story Deanna had written down on the sheet.
As I read I heard the Lord say, "Her hope was in my promise to her, not in her circumstance." This made me think back on Sunday at lifegroup when we split up into groups and talked about what we learned this summer. Something Brett said going along with what he had learned was, "God means what He says. He doesn't just say something and then is like 'Ooops, why'd I say that! Now I have to actually do it. No, He means what He says when He speaks." And this is exactly what Eve held on to.
In Genesis 3:15, the Lord says "...he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." and then Genesis 4: 25 says, "And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, "God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him." The Lord spoke and said that something would come through Eve (her seed) and stomp the serpent. Eve held tight to the promises of the Lord because she had been with Him and knew His character.
So many times I find myself doubting the things the Lord has told me. I question the things He has prophesied to me through other people and the things He has told me himself. I often find myself saying, "Well, I probably made that up", or "I must have heard wrong, He wouldn't promise me that." Eve has encouraged me to cling tight to the things the Lord has said to me. Even if I heard wrong, clinging to His promises will draw me closer to Him and keep me safe in His arms. Knowing He is faithful and keeps His promises is so freeing, and He longs for us to walk in that freedom!
One of my favorite scriptures of all time.
Isaiah 54:10-14
"For the mountiains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. "O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of agate (jasper/ruby), your gates of carbuncles (crystal), and your wall of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you."
Eve exchanged death for hope of redemption because she clung to the faithfulness of the Lord.
Lord, give me eyes to see and remember your faithfulness in my life. Transform my heart to be so confident in the power of your great love that in all circumstances my hope is in you. I cling to the promises you have spoke over my life. I cling tight to the desires in my heart you have promised to fulfill. Please continue to reveal your faithfulness to me. I trust you. And I love you. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
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