Acts 2:42-47

Lately it's really hit me the importance of community. I mean, I've seen the importance for a while now, but now I just really get it. I understand the importance of have people to hang out with. I understand the importance of having people to help you work through all the junk in your life. And I understand the importance of experiencing the love of the Lord in people. That's what my community does for me. I get to experience the unconditional love of the Lord when I confide in them things from my past. They don't judge. They don't shake their finger in my face. They weep and cry with me and help me walk into freedom. I'm so thankful for their love and they way they let the Lord love through them. I now understand the importance of living life together, because you are who your friends are right??...Well my friends are ballers! They love Jesus and push me closer to Him! I'm so thankful for the community the Lord has put me in and that I can live life and see more of the kingdom through each of them. I'm thankful the Lord has placed them all in my life and I get to grow closer to Him when I grow closer to them!

Acts 2:42-47
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and have everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet togehter in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

When we live in community as the Lord has designed us to be, He increases the kingdom! He blesses our devotion and pouring out to His people.

He is good!

Even Now....

Last week I didn't feel the Lord at all....I couldn't feel His presence. I couldn't hear Him. I just felt alone....But I know I wasn't....I've kinda been feeling like that all day today....just kinda empty and alone.

But today, while sitting at my vanity getting ready to go to a going away dinner for my friend Raquel the song "Even Now" by United Pursuit Band came on and the words hit me right in the heart.....

Doesn’t always work like I planned it

I’ve seen a lot of good things
And a lot of things
Have been out of my hands
But even when I don’t understand it
We have all got choices to make
And this one is mine
Even now here’s my heart, God

Seems like all you do is so hidden
Sometimes I led to wonder
Are you working at all
But even in the darkness I’m listening
To your still small voice in the distance
I heed your call.
Even now here’s my heart, God I’m in Love Running out of reasons to doubt you
Can’t live another day here without you
Even now here’s my heart, God
I’m in Love Am
Your love is sweeter than honey
Your love is stronger than death
Your love lifts me of my burdens
And teaches me to dance

Even now, when I can't feel Him, I know He's working on incredible things in my life. Even now, when I feel empty, I know He's about to bless me abundantly. Even now, when I feel like I'm striving to show joy and let it pour out, He's about to cover me with blessings. Even now, when I feel like I have nothing left to give to people, He's about to give graciously through me....Even now, in the times I feel lonely but don't want to be around people, He's going to bless me with His presence, which is the fullness of joy!!!!
 
I trust Him. I trust the season He has put me in. I trust the things He's doing in my heart and the perseverance He's teaching me.....despite the circumstances I'm in, I trust Him and His heart for me!
 
I'm in love with the Lord, and I know He's in love with me. And when you're in love, you don't just "grow out of love". You persevere through sickness and health, through the times when you feel like you're on the top of the world, or in the middle of a bottom-less pit. You push through. And in the end, you grow more intimate than you could ever imagine.
 
That is my hope.
 
"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:15-16

Dependent on Him

At night before I go to bed I read a devotional or two out of this book called "Come Away My Beloved". This book is annointed. Every single time I open it and read from it, the words pierce my heart deep! It's such a good book to meditate on before I go to bed. It just really shows the love the Lord has for His people. Anyways, last night I read one and this is what it said....So GOOD! Lord, please let these words continue to pierce my heart to go deeper into intimacy with you. Bless the person who reads this. You're so good Dad, I love you! Amen.


 It's called, "I Anticipate Your Dependence on Me".

"I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20

O My Child, give Me your heart, for out of it issues life. My hand is upon you, and I will keep you in all places wherever you go. I am your God, and I am your Father, and I will care for you and provide for you according to all that you need. I will be at your side, ready to help you whenever you call on Me. I am not unmindful of your needs, and My concern is for you.

You do not need to carry your own load, for I will be happy to help you carry it and to bear you up, as well. You do not walk alone or meet any situation alone, for I am with you, and I will give you wisdom and strength, and My blessing shall be yours. Keep your heart set on Me and your affections on things above; for I cannot bless you unless you ask Me. And I cannot answer if you do not call. I cannot minister to you unless you come to Me.

Do not wait to feel worthy, for not one is worthy of my blessings. My grace bypasses your shortcomings, I give to My children because they ask of Me and because I love them; I do not love one more than another. I give most liberally to those who ask the most of Me, for I love to have you depend on Me. This is why the Spirit within you cries, "Abba-Father." As your Father, I anticipate your dependence on Me. You may mature and outgrow your dependence on your human parents, but as My child, you will never "outgrow" your spiritual sonship, nor will I ever cast you out to rely on your own resources, not even when you become a parent. Indeed, then you will more fully appreciate My feelings towards you. You will then understand the love a father has for his child and experience the desire to care for and provide; then you will know more fully how much I love you, how ready I am to help you, and how available I am to counsel with you and give you My support.

Heaven's resources are at your command, and you need never want, so long as I am your Shepherd. Do not think that since i know all about you, you need not bother to tell Me. It is true that I know, but you need to tell Me so that in the telling, you experience the release of an open heart, and the fellowship of a Friend.

As you open your heart to Me, I will come to you. As you speak to Me, I will speak to you. As you reveal yourself to Me, I will reveal Myself to you. This is a law of life. There must be action to bring reaction. There must be a question to bring an answer. There must be an expression of love and confidence on the part of one person to arouse a corresponding response in another person.

Never presume My presence. Never assume that knowing your need, I will automatically supply. Ask, and it shall be given. Call upon Me, and I will answer you. Tell me that you love Me, and I will make your heart know in a very real way My love for you and My nearness, and you shall never feel alone.

Welcome Me into your heart, and the more you sense My presence within you, the more you feel at home no matter where you may be. Forget anything else, but never forget this.

Song of Solomon

When I was a little girl my favorite game was playing barbies, or house. I would always want to make the barbies live life out. First, they'd start in college. Then, they'd find a boy and they'd get married. Then, they'd have babies and raise them. Lather, Rince, Repeat....lol But really, that was how my brain worked. I think that is how every little girl is trained to think when they are younger. Because of movies and our culture we're brought up thinking that marriage and having kids is all we are suppose to do in life. That is our purpose, and if we don't fulfill our purpose something is wrong with us. In the book Lady In Waiting the author says. "Too many women grow up believing that the inconsolable ache in her heart is for 'a man.' To love a man, get married, and then have children is thought to be the only script that will satisfy her heart's deepest longing. But no man, woman, or child can appease this longing; it can only be satisfied by the ultimate Bridegroom, Christ Jesus." This quote is SO true and something I've been processing, and even breaking the chain of that lie for a while now....Jesus is our fulfillment. Intimacy with Him is our heart's desire!

Over spring break trip the Lord called me into a season of intentional singleness. It's been really good just to be able to focus on the Lord and His heart for me, and not even subconsciously seek something with anyone other than the Lord. I'm learning how to be in complete intimacy with the Lord....the Lord was becoming more of my lover than anything else to me. He is satisfying my heart in all the corners I didn't even know were there... Through this season the Lord has really been pointing me to Song of Solomon 2:16, "My lover is mine and I am his, he browses among the lillies." One way this verse has been speaking to me is.... Jesus is my LOVER! He is my fulfillment, and no man here on earth can ever take His place. Jesus desire me. He loves me. He calls me beautiful and thinks I'm worth His love!!!! What? I'm worth it! That's just crazy to me. Me; broken, selfish, nasty me, He thinks I'm worth His love. Not only just as my father, but I'm worthy of the most intimate love He created. I'm worthy of His love as my soul mate. The one my heart becomes one with. He is that man for me! During this season I'm becoming very content with being single. I'm content with what the Lord is doing in my life, and how He's loving me. I still have the desire to be married and raise godly children to go after the Lord, but I'm also content with it just being me and Jesus. He's all my heart needs! that's something I'm really learning and really trying to cling to!

Through this season I'm also learning to honor my future husband more (if the Lord has that in His plan for me). I really have been trying to watch my actions, dress, and words around my brothers. Not only to honor whoever the Lord has for me to be with, but also to honor my brothers and the women the Lord has for them. I think it's a beautiful thing when we can all walk in community together as one body. As the church. I know we are humans, but how great would it be that we could walk together without any distractions or confusion about our actions and words with each other? How much more could we do for Jesus? How much MORE would God's kingdom come to earth?!!! How many more people could be hearing about Jesus and could no longer be eternally seperated from God! I think we should learn to radically honor each other as brothers and sisters. I'm not quite sure what it looks like yet, but what could it hurt to be completely selfless when interacting with each other. That we wouldn't perform for promoting ourselves, but we would honor one another in love and push each other closer to Jesus ALL the times we interact with each other!

Today during section lifegroup, I really felt like I could feel the sweet love of the Lord. He gave me this vision of us skipping through this field. I couldn't see his face, but I knew it was him. I was dressed in an all white dress, my hair was long and curled, and He had placed a sunflower in my hair behind my ear. (He knows sunflowers are my favorite!) Anyways, we just skipped and ran and walked through this field and picked more flowers. Then we went to this HUGE oak tree and He pushed me on this swing hanging from it and sang sweet sweet songs to me. Then we went and sat on this blanket and talked and laughed and he spoke a lot of identity to me. It was incredible!!! The Lord is just sweet. His love is sweet like honey. It's funny that I was kinda frustrated because Friday my heart was really stirred up with some things and I couldn't get back to where I wanted with the Lord. The feelings were keeping me from that because all I could think of was my worldly feelings. But the Lord encountered me in my frustration. He took it completely away with His sweet love for me and His relentless pursuit of my WHOLE heart!!! He is so good to me, so much more than I deserve!!! I just want to partner with Him and help every girl see and experience His love for them!!! His love is so much and so great!!! It's fulfilling and satisfying. In His presence is the fulness of joy!!

Jesus, help us to be world changers. Change our hearts so we become completely devoted to honoring one another. That it won't matter what situation we're in, but in everything we would push each other closer to you. We would encourage each other rather than use sarcasm all the time. Lord, I just want to be radical for you. Please break us from bondage to the 'fear of man'. More than anything I want to please you. Would you change our hearts to want please you by honoring each other. Would you change our hearts to not worry about what the world thinks, but that we would change the world through our radical love for you and for each other! Jesus we love you, thank you for what you did for us and for constantly interceding for us with the Father. I love you, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Weeks after Spring Break

So, it's a few weeks after our spring break mission trip....these are the weeks you either increase in what the Lord did, or you lose it. I want to increase. I want to go deeper with the Father. I want to learn more. I want to love more. I want to see His kingdom come more! But....I'm learning, that none of this comes unless you rest in the presence of the Father. I can't love people on my own. I can 't heal peole on my own. I can't lead people to the Lord on my own. I can't intern for life group on my own. I can't lead people on my own. I NEED JESUS!!!! More than ever I have this increasing NEED for Him. I have this desperation for His presence to surround me, and if I don't have it I feel aweful. It's like coming off of a sugar high....it's so good when you have sugar, but once you give it up or don't have it for an extended period of time...you feel like you need it. You feel like if you don't have it you'll die. (okay, well maybe not, but that's how I feel right now.) I NEED JESUS! I need Him to guard my heart. I need Him to help me get through the day. I need Him to wake me up in the morning. I need Him to go to class. I need Him to read and have quiet time. I need Him to worship......without Him, it all means nothing. Without Jesus, I have NO purpose! World Mandate from Waco came to Beltway on Wednesday. That night, more than ever I realized my need for Jesus and my purpose here on earth. My purpose isn't to be confortable and to "live my life to the fullest". My purpose is to be COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord and abandoned to my selfish desires. My purpose is to be completely sold out for the gospel. Completely aligned with the Father's heart and His desire for His people to be with Him forever! He wants all of us. Every tongue and every nation to sing forever in the throne room. AND, He wants to USE ME to make that happen! That's my purpose! That's why I'm here on earth! I'm here so HE can USE me!!!!!! There's nothing I want more than to be used by the Lord to love His people and increase His kingdom. There's nothing I want more than to go to the nations who have never heard and spread the gospel. There's nothing I want more than to be martyred for the sake of the gospel (intense, I know; but there's nothing I want more than to die for the sake of Christ). He has blessed me so much, the least I can do is be a vestle for His kingdom and partner with Him to fill the desires He has for His people! In His presence there is boldness and confidence! In His presence is the fullness of joy! In His presence He satisfies our every desire!!!!! <3 So Jesus, I just pray for an increasing of your kingdom here on earth. I ask God that you would raise up leaders and stir up your people so you can come back! We want you to come and be with us! We want to see your face! I know that this means more tragidy will come, but I have confidence in your love. And I know that when it seems the earth is crumbling, that is when you make yourself most known. That is when people need you, and that is when you COME! So God, I just ask that you come. Come raise us up. Come give us more love. More of your love to love people. I love you so much. Thank you for loving all of us. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen!