Dependent on Him

At night before I go to bed I read a devotional or two out of this book called "Come Away My Beloved". This book is annointed. Every single time I open it and read from it, the words pierce my heart deep! It's such a good book to meditate on before I go to bed. It just really shows the love the Lord has for His people. Anyways, last night I read one and this is what it said....So GOOD! Lord, please let these words continue to pierce my heart to go deeper into intimacy with you. Bless the person who reads this. You're so good Dad, I love you! Amen.


 It's called, "I Anticipate Your Dependence on Me".

"I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20

O My Child, give Me your heart, for out of it issues life. My hand is upon you, and I will keep you in all places wherever you go. I am your God, and I am your Father, and I will care for you and provide for you according to all that you need. I will be at your side, ready to help you whenever you call on Me. I am not unmindful of your needs, and My concern is for you.

You do not need to carry your own load, for I will be happy to help you carry it and to bear you up, as well. You do not walk alone or meet any situation alone, for I am with you, and I will give you wisdom and strength, and My blessing shall be yours. Keep your heart set on Me and your affections on things above; for I cannot bless you unless you ask Me. And I cannot answer if you do not call. I cannot minister to you unless you come to Me.

Do not wait to feel worthy, for not one is worthy of my blessings. My grace bypasses your shortcomings, I give to My children because they ask of Me and because I love them; I do not love one more than another. I give most liberally to those who ask the most of Me, for I love to have you depend on Me. This is why the Spirit within you cries, "Abba-Father." As your Father, I anticipate your dependence on Me. You may mature and outgrow your dependence on your human parents, but as My child, you will never "outgrow" your spiritual sonship, nor will I ever cast you out to rely on your own resources, not even when you become a parent. Indeed, then you will more fully appreciate My feelings towards you. You will then understand the love a father has for his child and experience the desire to care for and provide; then you will know more fully how much I love you, how ready I am to help you, and how available I am to counsel with you and give you My support.

Heaven's resources are at your command, and you need never want, so long as I am your Shepherd. Do not think that since i know all about you, you need not bother to tell Me. It is true that I know, but you need to tell Me so that in the telling, you experience the release of an open heart, and the fellowship of a Friend.

As you open your heart to Me, I will come to you. As you speak to Me, I will speak to you. As you reveal yourself to Me, I will reveal Myself to you. This is a law of life. There must be action to bring reaction. There must be a question to bring an answer. There must be an expression of love and confidence on the part of one person to arouse a corresponding response in another person.

Never presume My presence. Never assume that knowing your need, I will automatically supply. Ask, and it shall be given. Call upon Me, and I will answer you. Tell me that you love Me, and I will make your heart know in a very real way My love for you and My nearness, and you shall never feel alone.

Welcome Me into your heart, and the more you sense My presence within you, the more you feel at home no matter where you may be. Forget anything else, but never forget this.

Song of Solomon

When I was a little girl my favorite game was playing barbies, or house. I would always want to make the barbies live life out. First, they'd start in college. Then, they'd find a boy and they'd get married. Then, they'd have babies and raise them. Lather, Rince, Repeat....lol But really, that was how my brain worked. I think that is how every little girl is trained to think when they are younger. Because of movies and our culture we're brought up thinking that marriage and having kids is all we are suppose to do in life. That is our purpose, and if we don't fulfill our purpose something is wrong with us. In the book Lady In Waiting the author says. "Too many women grow up believing that the inconsolable ache in her heart is for 'a man.' To love a man, get married, and then have children is thought to be the only script that will satisfy her heart's deepest longing. But no man, woman, or child can appease this longing; it can only be satisfied by the ultimate Bridegroom, Christ Jesus." This quote is SO true and something I've been processing, and even breaking the chain of that lie for a while now....Jesus is our fulfillment. Intimacy with Him is our heart's desire!

Over spring break trip the Lord called me into a season of intentional singleness. It's been really good just to be able to focus on the Lord and His heart for me, and not even subconsciously seek something with anyone other than the Lord. I'm learning how to be in complete intimacy with the Lord....the Lord was becoming more of my lover than anything else to me. He is satisfying my heart in all the corners I didn't even know were there... Through this season the Lord has really been pointing me to Song of Solomon 2:16, "My lover is mine and I am his, he browses among the lillies." One way this verse has been speaking to me is.... Jesus is my LOVER! He is my fulfillment, and no man here on earth can ever take His place. Jesus desire me. He loves me. He calls me beautiful and thinks I'm worth His love!!!! What? I'm worth it! That's just crazy to me. Me; broken, selfish, nasty me, He thinks I'm worth His love. Not only just as my father, but I'm worthy of the most intimate love He created. I'm worthy of His love as my soul mate. The one my heart becomes one with. He is that man for me! During this season I'm becoming very content with being single. I'm content with what the Lord is doing in my life, and how He's loving me. I still have the desire to be married and raise godly children to go after the Lord, but I'm also content with it just being me and Jesus. He's all my heart needs! that's something I'm really learning and really trying to cling to!

Through this season I'm also learning to honor my future husband more (if the Lord has that in His plan for me). I really have been trying to watch my actions, dress, and words around my brothers. Not only to honor whoever the Lord has for me to be with, but also to honor my brothers and the women the Lord has for them. I think it's a beautiful thing when we can all walk in community together as one body. As the church. I know we are humans, but how great would it be that we could walk together without any distractions or confusion about our actions and words with each other? How much more could we do for Jesus? How much MORE would God's kingdom come to earth?!!! How many more people could be hearing about Jesus and could no longer be eternally seperated from God! I think we should learn to radically honor each other as brothers and sisters. I'm not quite sure what it looks like yet, but what could it hurt to be completely selfless when interacting with each other. That we wouldn't perform for promoting ourselves, but we would honor one another in love and push each other closer to Jesus ALL the times we interact with each other!

Today during section lifegroup, I really felt like I could feel the sweet love of the Lord. He gave me this vision of us skipping through this field. I couldn't see his face, but I knew it was him. I was dressed in an all white dress, my hair was long and curled, and He had placed a sunflower in my hair behind my ear. (He knows sunflowers are my favorite!) Anyways, we just skipped and ran and walked through this field and picked more flowers. Then we went to this HUGE oak tree and He pushed me on this swing hanging from it and sang sweet sweet songs to me. Then we went and sat on this blanket and talked and laughed and he spoke a lot of identity to me. It was incredible!!! The Lord is just sweet. His love is sweet like honey. It's funny that I was kinda frustrated because Friday my heart was really stirred up with some things and I couldn't get back to where I wanted with the Lord. The feelings were keeping me from that because all I could think of was my worldly feelings. But the Lord encountered me in my frustration. He took it completely away with His sweet love for me and His relentless pursuit of my WHOLE heart!!! He is so good to me, so much more than I deserve!!! I just want to partner with Him and help every girl see and experience His love for them!!! His love is so much and so great!!! It's fulfilling and satisfying. In His presence is the fulness of joy!!

Jesus, help us to be world changers. Change our hearts so we become completely devoted to honoring one another. That it won't matter what situation we're in, but in everything we would push each other closer to you. We would encourage each other rather than use sarcasm all the time. Lord, I just want to be radical for you. Please break us from bondage to the 'fear of man'. More than anything I want to please you. Would you change our hearts to want please you by honoring each other. Would you change our hearts to not worry about what the world thinks, but that we would change the world through our radical love for you and for each other! Jesus we love you, thank you for what you did for us and for constantly interceding for us with the Father. I love you, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Weeks after Spring Break

So, it's a few weeks after our spring break mission trip....these are the weeks you either increase in what the Lord did, or you lose it. I want to increase. I want to go deeper with the Father. I want to learn more. I want to love more. I want to see His kingdom come more! But....I'm learning, that none of this comes unless you rest in the presence of the Father. I can't love people on my own. I can 't heal peole on my own. I can't lead people to the Lord on my own. I can't intern for life group on my own. I can't lead people on my own. I NEED JESUS!!!! More than ever I have this increasing NEED for Him. I have this desperation for His presence to surround me, and if I don't have it I feel aweful. It's like coming off of a sugar high....it's so good when you have sugar, but once you give it up or don't have it for an extended period of time...you feel like you need it. You feel like if you don't have it you'll die. (okay, well maybe not, but that's how I feel right now.) I NEED JESUS! I need Him to guard my heart. I need Him to help me get through the day. I need Him to wake me up in the morning. I need Him to go to class. I need Him to read and have quiet time. I need Him to worship......without Him, it all means nothing. Without Jesus, I have NO purpose! World Mandate from Waco came to Beltway on Wednesday. That night, more than ever I realized my need for Jesus and my purpose here on earth. My purpose isn't to be confortable and to "live my life to the fullest". My purpose is to be COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord and abandoned to my selfish desires. My purpose is to be completely sold out for the gospel. Completely aligned with the Father's heart and His desire for His people to be with Him forever! He wants all of us. Every tongue and every nation to sing forever in the throne room. AND, He wants to USE ME to make that happen! That's my purpose! That's why I'm here on earth! I'm here so HE can USE me!!!!!! There's nothing I want more than to be used by the Lord to love His people and increase His kingdom. There's nothing I want more than to go to the nations who have never heard and spread the gospel. There's nothing I want more than to be martyred for the sake of the gospel (intense, I know; but there's nothing I want more than to die for the sake of Christ). He has blessed me so much, the least I can do is be a vestle for His kingdom and partner with Him to fill the desires He has for His people! In His presence there is boldness and confidence! In His presence is the fullness of joy! In His presence He satisfies our every desire!!!!! <3 So Jesus, I just pray for an increasing of your kingdom here on earth. I ask God that you would raise up leaders and stir up your people so you can come back! We want you to come and be with us! We want to see your face! I know that this means more tragidy will come, but I have confidence in your love. And I know that when it seems the earth is crumbling, that is when you make yourself most known. That is when people need you, and that is when you COME! So God, I just ask that you come. Come raise us up. Come give us more love. More of your love to love people. I love you so much. Thank you for loving all of us. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen!

Identity in the Lord

So many times I listen to the world we live in to define my identity that way, instead of listening to the Lord and what he says my identity is. So, I'm tired of listening to the world. I'm tired of believing the lies the world tells me. So this past week I decided I would no longer believe the lies and would cling to the truth. I prayed all week the Lord would tell me what he thinks about me and what my true identity is and I would cling to it; and believe the truth every day. Thursday night at life group we started a thing called the "hot seat". This Thursday was the day they put me in the hot seat and encouraged me. The Lord really spoke my identity through people in life group. It's amazing because He knew I needed to hear it so I would cling to it abd believe it. Here are some things he said: tender-hearted leader, patient, powerful joy, an atmosphere of joy, hunger for him, hunger to be who he has created me to be, precious to Him, heart of gold that draws people, growing love for the Lord, loved. ---All of these things are things I needed to hear and needed to cling to because they are all areas I would put myself down in. The Lord is good and answers our prayers and requests. Through these people He also revealed to me what I am suppose to do with the rest of my life... For a while I've been trying to figure out how my passion for people with special needs is going to tie in with my heart for missions. I really feel like the Lord has been telling me to love the unlovely, or the unlovable. I always thought that was people with disabilities and special needs, but the Lord really has been changing my idea into something different. He's giving me a different idea of who the "unlovely" he wants me to love are. I feel like now he wants me to go and love the prostitutes, pregnant teenagers, and battered women and children. I feel the Lord is going to use my story to speak to their hearts. It's still something I'm going to dive into and pray about, and we'll see where the Lord takes that. He is so good, and I'm glad he's the one writing my story instead of me doing it on my own. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says The Lord, "They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you hope and a future."

God is Good!

My birthday was this past Tuesday, and I've never felt more loved than I did on that day! I spent the day surrounded by so many wonderful people who God has so graciously put in my life. I laughed so hard all day long! Harder than I have laughed in a long time! It was probably the best birthday I have had. :) All that to say, God is just good. He's way too good to me. I am definitely not worthy of how good he is and how good he treats me. He lavishes me with love like a princess. With joy like his bride. He is so wonderful. He brings healing to the crevices of my heart like a father bandages his daughters wounds. He holds my heart and protects it like a child protects a starfish they find on the beach. I am that precious to him. I am that worthy of love because of him. God has really been speaking to my heart a lot about how much he loves me, how much he cherishes me, and how much he fights for me and my heart.... Sometimes I fail to realize how much he fights for me, and how much I fight myself and his tugging for me to just give up. To give up fighting, give up hurting, give up longing for something more; and just BE in his presence. Just let Him take complete control of my life... I so often fail at letting him have complete control of my life, my worries, and my heart--and try to fix everything myself. What I'm realizing now, is if I just let him work in EVERY part of my life than I will be so much more joyful. Last night I decided to let go. I decided to give up holding on the comfortableness of my past hurt to protect myself from getting hurt in the future. I realized I've been holding on to the lie from satan that no goldy man will love me because of my past....But I also know that because of Jesus I am justified. I am made righteous, and there is no condemnation. My past does not hover over my head like a big dark rain cloud. I can let the brightness and the joy of the Lord shine through me because of what Jesus did on the cross for me! This is the truth I now cling to: Jesus Christ came and obeyed his Father because I am a sinner, but because he obeyed and died on the cross, I am justified and can be in the presence of the Lord. I can live without condemnation and can walk in freedom from my sin. I am no longer dead, but alive in Christ! "Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous." Romans 5:18-19

Tide-to-Go Pen

Tonight I went to College Park at Beltway, it is probably one of my favorite nights of the week. It's always amazing to see the spirit of the Lord in so many college kids hearts. I am always blown away by the passion and love for Jesus and his presence that is in that place every Wednesday night! When Keith was going over the topics we are going to be covering this spring at College Park, one point stood out to me the most. I feel that God really wanted me to hear this. That if I heard this and forgot everything else I would be okay. He said, "There is NO shame in Christ Jesus." WOW! I've always heard this to be true, but this time it really hit my heart, HARD! Ever since I went home for Christmas break I've been struggling with my past. Satan threw memories back in my face when I was home, and he continues to do so while I'm back at school. (I know it's because I've let him.) But tonight I feel the Lord really wanted me to grasp this concept, and the depth of His love for me! "There is no shame in Christ Jesus." Again, WOW! That means that though my past may be ugly to me, but because of Jesus it is no longer there! Satan can throw it all back in my face as many times as he wants, but because of Jesus I can live in freedom. I can walk without the dark cloud of shame hanging over my head and heart. I can put on the white robe of purity he gives me, without any of my dirt getting on it. I am a treasure to the Lord and no one will robe me from him. He was given me life through the death and resurrection of His son. He has called me to give up my life and follow him dispite the mess I made of my past. Satan has no power over me. The Lord has overcome!!! One night the Lord gave me this thought while in church. We were talking about purity, and I thought "God is like white out, he has covered all our sins." But then the Lord was like, "No Rebekah, I'm not like white out. I don't just cover up your sin. I am like a Tide-to-Go pen. I completely remove the stain of sin." It's kinda funny to think God is like a Tide-to-Go pen. But I think the concept of what the pen does, totally portrays what the Lord does for us every day because of his son Jesus. "Now the Lord is the Spirit. and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3: 17 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory taht will be revealed to us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God." Romans 8: 18-21 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

The Perfect Man....

Last night I decided to watch a movie called The Pefect Man... This movie was about a single mom who is dating and when her "relationship" with the men goes bad, she packs up all her stuff, and her kids, and moves them to some other town to start over. She runs away instead of facing what's going on in her life... I actually learned a lot about myself from this movie. I learned that, like the mom I'm scared. Scared of being hurt. Scared of putting my heart out there. Scared of being let down. Scared of letting someone know all my secrets again. Scared of letting someone else down. Scared of not being good enough for someone else... I realized that I need to trust God with all of these things. But, what does that even look like? How do I do that? How do I get to where I trust Him completely? When I get there, how do I stay that way? Then, I realize I need to stop trying and just Be. Stop worrying about what if or how, and just let the Lord work. So that's what I'm going to do.......... Let God work.