Weeks after Spring Break

So, it's a few weeks after our spring break mission trip....these are the weeks you either increase in what the Lord did, or you lose it. I want to increase. I want to go deeper with the Father. I want to learn more. I want to love more. I want to see His kingdom come more! But....I'm learning, that none of this comes unless you rest in the presence of the Father. I can't love people on my own. I can 't heal peole on my own. I can't lead people to the Lord on my own. I can't intern for life group on my own. I can't lead people on my own. I NEED JESUS!!!! More than ever I have this increasing NEED for Him. I have this desperation for His presence to surround me, and if I don't have it I feel aweful. It's like coming off of a sugar high....it's so good when you have sugar, but once you give it up or don't have it for an extended period of time...you feel like you need it. You feel like if you don't have it you'll die. (okay, well maybe not, but that's how I feel right now.) I NEED JESUS! I need Him to guard my heart. I need Him to help me get through the day. I need Him to wake me up in the morning. I need Him to go to class. I need Him to read and have quiet time. I need Him to worship......without Him, it all means nothing. Without Jesus, I have NO purpose! World Mandate from Waco came to Beltway on Wednesday. That night, more than ever I realized my need for Jesus and my purpose here on earth. My purpose isn't to be confortable and to "live my life to the fullest". My purpose is to be COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord and abandoned to my selfish desires. My purpose is to be completely sold out for the gospel. Completely aligned with the Father's heart and His desire for His people to be with Him forever! He wants all of us. Every tongue and every nation to sing forever in the throne room. AND, He wants to USE ME to make that happen! That's my purpose! That's why I'm here on earth! I'm here so HE can USE me!!!!!! There's nothing I want more than to be used by the Lord to love His people and increase His kingdom. There's nothing I want more than to go to the nations who have never heard and spread the gospel. There's nothing I want more than to be martyred for the sake of the gospel (intense, I know; but there's nothing I want more than to die for the sake of Christ). He has blessed me so much, the least I can do is be a vestle for His kingdom and partner with Him to fill the desires He has for His people! In His presence there is boldness and confidence! In His presence is the fullness of joy! In His presence He satisfies our every desire!!!!! <3 So Jesus, I just pray for an increasing of your kingdom here on earth. I ask God that you would raise up leaders and stir up your people so you can come back! We want you to come and be with us! We want to see your face! I know that this means more tragidy will come, but I have confidence in your love. And I know that when it seems the earth is crumbling, that is when you make yourself most known. That is when people need you, and that is when you COME! So God, I just ask that you come. Come raise us up. Come give us more love. More of your love to love people. I love you so much. Thank you for loving all of us. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen!

Identity in the Lord

So many times I listen to the world we live in to define my identity that way, instead of listening to the Lord and what he says my identity is. So, I'm tired of listening to the world. I'm tired of believing the lies the world tells me. So this past week I decided I would no longer believe the lies and would cling to the truth. I prayed all week the Lord would tell me what he thinks about me and what my true identity is and I would cling to it; and believe the truth every day. Thursday night at life group we started a thing called the "hot seat". This Thursday was the day they put me in the hot seat and encouraged me. The Lord really spoke my identity through people in life group. It's amazing because He knew I needed to hear it so I would cling to it abd believe it. Here are some things he said: tender-hearted leader, patient, powerful joy, an atmosphere of joy, hunger for him, hunger to be who he has created me to be, precious to Him, heart of gold that draws people, growing love for the Lord, loved. ---All of these things are things I needed to hear and needed to cling to because they are all areas I would put myself down in. The Lord is good and answers our prayers and requests. Through these people He also revealed to me what I am suppose to do with the rest of my life... For a while I've been trying to figure out how my passion for people with special needs is going to tie in with my heart for missions. I really feel like the Lord has been telling me to love the unlovely, or the unlovable. I always thought that was people with disabilities and special needs, but the Lord really has been changing my idea into something different. He's giving me a different idea of who the "unlovely" he wants me to love are. I feel like now he wants me to go and love the prostitutes, pregnant teenagers, and battered women and children. I feel the Lord is going to use my story to speak to their hearts. It's still something I'm going to dive into and pray about, and we'll see where the Lord takes that. He is so good, and I'm glad he's the one writing my story instead of me doing it on my own. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says The Lord, "They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you hope and a future."

God is Good!

My birthday was this past Tuesday, and I've never felt more loved than I did on that day! I spent the day surrounded by so many wonderful people who God has so graciously put in my life. I laughed so hard all day long! Harder than I have laughed in a long time! It was probably the best birthday I have had. :) All that to say, God is just good. He's way too good to me. I am definitely not worthy of how good he is and how good he treats me. He lavishes me with love like a princess. With joy like his bride. He is so wonderful. He brings healing to the crevices of my heart like a father bandages his daughters wounds. He holds my heart and protects it like a child protects a starfish they find on the beach. I am that precious to him. I am that worthy of love because of him. God has really been speaking to my heart a lot about how much he loves me, how much he cherishes me, and how much he fights for me and my heart.... Sometimes I fail to realize how much he fights for me, and how much I fight myself and his tugging for me to just give up. To give up fighting, give up hurting, give up longing for something more; and just BE in his presence. Just let Him take complete control of my life... I so often fail at letting him have complete control of my life, my worries, and my heart--and try to fix everything myself. What I'm realizing now, is if I just let him work in EVERY part of my life than I will be so much more joyful. Last night I decided to let go. I decided to give up holding on the comfortableness of my past hurt to protect myself from getting hurt in the future. I realized I've been holding on to the lie from satan that no goldy man will love me because of my past....But I also know that because of Jesus I am justified. I am made righteous, and there is no condemnation. My past does not hover over my head like a big dark rain cloud. I can let the brightness and the joy of the Lord shine through me because of what Jesus did on the cross for me! This is the truth I now cling to: Jesus Christ came and obeyed his Father because I am a sinner, but because he obeyed and died on the cross, I am justified and can be in the presence of the Lord. I can live without condemnation and can walk in freedom from my sin. I am no longer dead, but alive in Christ! "Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous." Romans 5:18-19

Tide-to-Go Pen

Tonight I went to College Park at Beltway, it is probably one of my favorite nights of the week. It's always amazing to see the spirit of the Lord in so many college kids hearts. I am always blown away by the passion and love for Jesus and his presence that is in that place every Wednesday night! When Keith was going over the topics we are going to be covering this spring at College Park, one point stood out to me the most. I feel that God really wanted me to hear this. That if I heard this and forgot everything else I would be okay. He said, "There is NO shame in Christ Jesus." WOW! I've always heard this to be true, but this time it really hit my heart, HARD! Ever since I went home for Christmas break I've been struggling with my past. Satan threw memories back in my face when I was home, and he continues to do so while I'm back at school. (I know it's because I've let him.) But tonight I feel the Lord really wanted me to grasp this concept, and the depth of His love for me! "There is no shame in Christ Jesus." Again, WOW! That means that though my past may be ugly to me, but because of Jesus it is no longer there! Satan can throw it all back in my face as many times as he wants, but because of Jesus I can live in freedom. I can walk without the dark cloud of shame hanging over my head and heart. I can put on the white robe of purity he gives me, without any of my dirt getting on it. I am a treasure to the Lord and no one will robe me from him. He was given me life through the death and resurrection of His son. He has called me to give up my life and follow him dispite the mess I made of my past. Satan has no power over me. The Lord has overcome!!! One night the Lord gave me this thought while in church. We were talking about purity, and I thought "God is like white out, he has covered all our sins." But then the Lord was like, "No Rebekah, I'm not like white out. I don't just cover up your sin. I am like a Tide-to-Go pen. I completely remove the stain of sin." It's kinda funny to think God is like a Tide-to-Go pen. But I think the concept of what the pen does, totally portrays what the Lord does for us every day because of his son Jesus. "Now the Lord is the Spirit. and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3: 17 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory taht will be revealed to us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God." Romans 8: 18-21 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

The Perfect Man....

Last night I decided to watch a movie called The Pefect Man... This movie was about a single mom who is dating and when her "relationship" with the men goes bad, she packs up all her stuff, and her kids, and moves them to some other town to start over. She runs away instead of facing what's going on in her life... I actually learned a lot about myself from this movie. I learned that, like the mom I'm scared. Scared of being hurt. Scared of putting my heart out there. Scared of being let down. Scared of letting someone know all my secrets again. Scared of letting someone else down. Scared of not being good enough for someone else... I realized that I need to trust God with all of these things. But, what does that even look like? How do I do that? How do I get to where I trust Him completely? When I get there, how do I stay that way? Then, I realize I need to stop trying and just Be. Stop worrying about what if or how, and just let the Lord work. So that's what I'm going to do.......... Let God work.

Jesus, Lover of my Soul

Right now I am in a season of singleness, and have been for a while. The Lord is teaching me a lot. I'm learning that when you seek him with all your heart he will give you the desires of your heart. I'm learning that he is the only one who can take the loneliness away on Saturday nights when my roommates are all with their boyfriends. He's the only one who can make me beautiful when I feel undesirable or unworthy of love. Because he lives in my heart I am beautiful... Because he made me I am beautiful... He is the only one who can complete me. I could live my life striving to be in a relationship. In fact that's what the world expects us to do. Chase the boy until he lets you catch him. Run after love until you reach it, because if you don't you will be alone for the rest of your life.... But, I know that is false! When you are a lover of the Lord you are never alone. "When we work, God will wait; but when we wait, God will work" Lady in Waiting So, something I'm learning now is to seek the Lord to let him fill every intimate corner of my heart. And, for the past month or so he has been doing exactly that. I still have the desire to be married and have a family, but I know that is not what will complete me. Jesus has already done that. I look forward to meeting the man the Lord has made for me. But for now, I am finding my joy in serving the Lord and dancing with him. I have a joy better than any man could every give me. My joy comes from the Lord. "As the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love....I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15: 9, 11

How GREAT is our God!!!

A couple of months ago my Pa went to the MD Anderson and received a very bad report. The doctors told him his cancer had spread so much that if the medicine and treatment they were going to put him on worked, he would have 4-5 years to live. But, if it didn't work, he would have 1-2 years to live. Either way, he would eventually lose his life to cancer. Boy was this hard news for my family! But we continued to pray and know that God is our only healer. The doctors can do what they think will help, but it is in God's hands. We kept praying, HARD! My grandpa went to the doctor the week before Thanksgiving. His PSA count went down from 137 to 20!!!!! Praise the Lord! His doctor stayed up all night thinking about him and trying to decide if he needed to still have chemotherapy because they want his count to be below 13. Well, that night at life group we prayed for our families, and of course Pa was on my heart. So, we prayed! Then later that night I felt the Lord wanted me to intercede for my grandpa at that time. So, I was obiedient and stayed up all night praying for him and that he wouldn't have to do chemo (the same time his doctor was up all night thinking about him. I really believe the Lord was speaking to her while I was pleading with him!) The next morning the doctor called him and said she stayed up all night thinking about him and decided he didn't need chemo, and sent him home!!!! Praise the Lord again!!!! :) THEN, he went to the doctor this week and his PSA count went DOWN even more!!!! from 20 to 11.7!!!!!! :)))) The Lord is doing incredible work in my grandpa and in my family. I am so thankful that he is showing favor on us and overcoming the enemy who causes disease. I believe the Lord does not cause sickness, becaus why would he inflict something on his children that he has already died for? That's just silly. I believe God answers when we seek him with all our heart. There is not a doubt in my mind of that! Through this hardship I am falling more and more in love the with the Lord and his faithfulness! I am so glad I serve the God who has compassion on his children and the passion and power to heal them! He is so good! "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." Psalm 28:7