A Simple Shower...

We've all gone through things that have made us into the person we are today. Some have been encouraging and others wounding, but either way we grow from the experiences. Recently the Lord has been so sweet to show me real life examples of how He has healed my wounds and how I have grown from them....He's so sweet to do that for me because a lot of the time I get frustrated and don't understand why I've gone through some things I have. Sometimes I forget to look back and see how He has used my mistakes for his glory. I get selfish and make it about me when it's totally and completely about Him. He just chooses to use me in my gross sin and weakness...

Side note, Now back to what I was saying about what He showed me... :)

One specific example that I cannot stop thinking about has to do with taking a shower.
In one of my past relationships my boyfriend was very jealous and possessive, which caused him to be abusive. He would do ridiculous things to me and one of them was time to me when I took a shower. For some irrational reason he thought if I took longer than a 5 minute shower I was cheating on him. Eventhough I was in my own house with my parents...So if I wasn't done with my shower within five minutes I would come back to a phone of 30 text messages and 10 missed calls...ridiculous I know. But for the past five years  I have been taking 5 minute showers without realizing it I would get in and out as fast as I could. Because it was what I had always done....

Wednesday night was different....I didn't jump in and out of the shower...and I didn't feel guilty about it either. I seriously stood in the shower for 25 minutes. Just standing there, smiling. I realized at that moment when I didn't feel fear or guilt that I was FREE! FREE! FREE! FREE!

After five years of him having control over parts of my life I finally was free! Every part of my life was free from his abuse and control!!! Free from his pressure and from his lies he fed me for so many years! Free from lies like "No one will every love you like I love you" or "You're not pretty enough for anyone else" or "you're not worth loving", "you're fat" or "you deserve this" or "this is all your fault"--I'm free from those not because I'm in another relationship (because I'm not) or because I found fulfillment in another person, but because I finally trust Jesus with every part of my life. I trust him with my future, my present, and my past. For so long I have quoted Jeremiah 29:11, but did not truly believe the words I was saying....Now I do. Now I trust Jesus with my past because His word says that he separates us from our sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). He has covered my past with His blood! I knew this before but was holding on to the past because I always had. I guess I was comfortable with it and comfortable living in fear of guys and what they could do to me.

But now, I have given my past to Jesus. I have given my past to Jesus. I have given Him the hurt and the happiness. All the memories I give to Him and am okay with whatever He wants to do with them. I trust Jesus with my past and have surrendered it to Him. I don't want it anymore. I don't want to live in fear of getting hurt in any way anymore. I'm ready to see what Jesus has planned for me.

I'm ready to see the beauty He'll make from these ashes because He is faithful. He's faithful even when I am not. He's faithful because that is who He is. I trust Jesus with my past because of who He is.

I trust Jesus with my past because now when I look in the mirror I no longer see an unlovable, ugly girl--I see a lovely, beautiful daughter of the Mighty King of this universe who is worthy of love because of what He has done for her! I've seen His faithfulness and know He will never change!!!


“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”